How to Attract Women

Just about everything I’ve written on this site, dealing with the topic of interacting with women, has tried to keep it simple and basic. I wanted these posts to be easily accessible, understood, and applicable to real life situations. However, it seems that some guys still need a lot of help to get themselves to a level, where they can at least take action. Never mind, having any actual competency. I see a lot of searches on ‘how to talk to girls if you’re shy’ or something like ‘talking to women when you’re awkward’.

For guys at that stage of social development, a lot of what I wrote here, won’t be easily replicated. This is because their fears and anxieties are currently at such a level, where they still identify themselves as a shy person.

Being a ‘shy guy’, they couldn’t possibly talk to a strange girl, they met at a party or bar. That’d be outside of ‘who they are’.

If you’re one of these guys, don’t fret about it too much, you can indeed become both good with women and talking to strangers in general. The only difference with your situation, is that, you have to start from a more basic level.

Hence, it will probably take longer than some other guys, to get to where you want to be socially. It takes time to improve, but we need to push through those initial awkward feeling stages.

I don’t want to call it a secret, rather, I’ll call it an obvious tip (though many guys are oblivious to it). This tip is that, one of the biggest keys to success with women, is to be completely relaxed around them. Human beings are really good at picking up subtle signs in body language, voice, and other indicators, that help to reveal a person’s inner-mindset or motivations.

So, if you’re feeling shy and awkward when talking to a girl, then it is probably going to show and also make her feel somewhat awkward or what causes girls to sometimes call guys ‘creepy’.

Is the guy talking to her really creepy? He might be.

However, the more likely reason is that he was nervous about the interaction, and therefore came off awkward as hell. With this in mind, it would seem that our ultimate goal, is to be relaxed around girls (or anybody). So that, we may express ourselves fully, and in a way that conveys positive body language.

How to Stop Feeling Shy or Awkward Around Women?

My process for eliminating shyness and feeling awkward around women was twofold:

1. Tackle the mental aspect, to break the chains holding me back in socializing
2. Getting direct experience talking to women, to truly let go of that ‘shyness’ concept of self.

How does one reach a state of relaxation and confidence in situations that currently turn him into a shy and awkward mess? The first thing I want to convey about shyness, is that, it is not a constant state of being.

That is, shyness is merely a label and not who you are as a person.  Since that is the case, we can therefore conclude that shyness can be reduced or completely eradicated from our lives if the necessary steps are taken to do so.

In my own life, I was constantly labeled as shy when I was a kid, and it kind of took on a life of its own. People said I was shy and it reinforced itself, in my behavior. I would find myself in situations with strangers, not knowing what to do or what to say.

My mind would either shut down or go into panic mode. I would feel the physical symptoms coming on, also. Back in middle school, my hands used to shake, if I had to talk to a girl…even classmates that I already knew!

What did it matter anyways? I was ‘shy’ and couldn’t do anything about it. BS. It took some time, but I figured out ways to begin to overcome my shyness, and further raise my confidence. Ultimately, I eliminated the very idea, of me being a ‘shy’ person.

 

Examining the Timing of the Awkwardness

I think that the first thing a person should do, when trying to alleviate shyness, is to explore exactly what situations make them feel shy or awkward.

Some guys have no problem talking to anyone, except the opposite sex, in a situation where they’re trying to pick-up a girl.

Other guys, have a difficult time relaxing in just about any situation, they find themselves in.

In either case, there is plenty of work to be done to eliminate feeling shy. Even, if we’re still not the life of the party afterwards, it’s not a completely miserable situation to just be around other people socially.

It’s not necessarily an easy experience to get past shyness. It can be downright painful, sometimes, as it will require stepping outside of your comfort zone and frame of reference. Thus, making yourself more vulnerable to outside criticism or judgment…which is at the heart of these feelings.

However, the experience is totally worth it in the long run, because you start to not care about external influences. You find yourself more able to express ideas freely, which can lead to a lot of great experiences, and meeting a ton of new people you otherwise wouldn’t have.

I’ve written about reducing socially-induced fear in depth in this post, so I only want to touch on it a bit for this one, in terms of what this fear is. In many ways, shyness is a fear that comes about not because there is anything particularly wrong with you. Rather, it is because you fall into a very narrow view of the world while you’re in social situations.

I feel that my own mind has different magnification levels, almost like a microscope, which heavily influences my behavior or how I see certain situations. For instance, if you’ve ever had a really rough schedule at a job, you might know what I mean. There has probably been a time where it seemed, all you did was:  wake up, go to work, and go to sleep before you repeated the cycle again the next day.

In that scenario, you had a very narrow view of life, and your own mind seemed like it was functioning at a high magnification level. Meaning, your job and your feelings toward it for that stretch of time dominated your thoughts. It was only when you got some time off from work, that you could really take a step back, and view the world in a different way (like a different magnification lens).

During this time off, you probably had a better sense of self and probably had a better mood or noticed some beautiful things in the world around you. Your focus could move beyond just the day in, day out drudgery of work.

The frame of Social Interactions

Now, let’s apply this idea and see how it works in terms of social interaction. When I was working on my own problems socially, I noticed that, the times I was the most afraid was when I was being the most egocentric.

My ego, while trying to protect itself from getting hurt (rejection from girls), put all of these ideas in my head of ways the interaction could go wrong or the terrible ways which I would be perceived.

The more that I fought through these false notions, and made myself take action, the more I noticed my thoughts would change. It went from thoughts such as What do I say? and She probably won’t even like me to thoughts like What does it matter? or Just go for it!

In a very real way, I stepped back and looked at my situation from a higher or so-called meta level. I began to take my thoughts from the egocentric ‘how will I be perceived in society?’ towards a more basic understanding of what my interactions with women were.

I was a man, who had a limited amount of time on this planet, and thus my fears were holding me back from experiencing life. My fears of judgment and rejection were overblown… because I would soon be forgotten to history, like billions of other people, and some chick being mean or rejecting me really only mattered to my ego.

 

The interaction between a man and a woman, I began to view, as a completely natural thing which I was programmed to do. So, me not interacting with a woman should come about only as a logical choice, and not because of an illogical fear of doing so.

In short, my ego’s protecting itself, really had the opposite effect of hurting me. As, it prevented me from living the life I wanted to live.

So how does one cultivate the ability to take a mental step back while in a situation of talking to a woman? Everybody has the ability to do this, only they may lack the consistency. You might have experienced a night where you felt like you were in the zone, had insane confidence, and had no problem carrying on a conversation.

The problem is that you have been able to replicate these nights on a consistent basis. Or you have tried to induce such a positive mindset, by drinking alcohol or using drugs. I can present to you the ways in which I help to relax my mind, and put it in a prime state, but most of the changes will come over time through first-hand experience.

It is one thing to logically think of interactions in a new way, but it is another, to actually experience it on your nights out.

 

Letting Go of the Concept of Shyness

Priming your Mind

I don’t want to give off the impression that if you read one thing about overcoming shyness, then you’ll magically be cured and pick up women left and right. Sorry, it’s not that easy, but the steps are pretty straightforward.

Reading and meditation seem to help me have a more realistic outlook on life, which allows me to step back, and not take that nervousness I may feel so seriously. Once you can understand your fear, you can face it, and once you can face it you can conquer it.

I’m going to tackle this from a perspective of what has worked for me, which will hopefully provide you with enough examples and tools, to conquer this problem on your own.

One of the major habits I picked up during my senior year of high school was reading on a consistent basis. I cannot stress enough how great of an impact this habit has had on my life. My thoughts and outlook on the world around me has been constantly evolving ever since which has helped me greatly in many areas, even social interaction.

The main types of books that have helped me in this area of my life are philosophy, history, and what I guess is classified as ‘spiritual’.

Stoic philosophy is a Roman/Greek school of thought which mainly tackles the issue of how one should live their life. One of the central ideas in these Stoic works, is that, a man can only control his own faculties. He should not necessarily concern himself, with external things, outside his direct control. This includes not getting caught up, about the opinions of others, towards you.

These ideas are quite helpful when you are trying to overcome fear-based anxieties such as shyness. History books, helped me to put my own life into perspective. I had realize that I’m not the center of attention and that I’m really the only person who cares about me getting rejected.

I have written an entire post about books that destroyed my social phobias: Books to Shatter Social Conditioning

Here are a few of the books, from that list,  that I  used to read excerpts from on a regular basis. They helped a lot to keep my mind out of the mode of shyness and fear: (Note: you don’t have to read to overcome shyness but it can definitely help to keep your mind pointed towards your end goal).

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Any work by Epictetus

50^th Law by Robert Greene and 50 Cent

Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

Breathing Techniques

I do deep breathing techniques on a daily basis. Why? It changes my physical state.

It helps to get lots of oxygen into the body and alter whatever unpleasant chemical signals my body was producing. If you tackle the awkward feelings, separately (both physically and through eliminating the negative thought patterns), you can diminish just about completely their hold on your life.

The physical body feeds into negative thought patterns. Even though, I’ve separated myself from taking my thoughts seriously, I still do feel physical symptoms of anxiety. So, I do deep breathing to take care of those feelings, and put me in an amazing state.

I also find things like caffeine and lack of sleep can trigger the physical symptoms in me. Which kind of points out how false they are, as if I had simply slept an hour more, they wouldn’t have ever come up during the day.

My schedule is this: I do one or two deep breathing exercises. Then, I meditate for 30-60 minutes.

Here are two of my favorite breathing exercise videos:

 

Meditation

Taking 20 minutes out of the day, especially 20 minutes before I go out to socialize, just to clear my mind of everything is like priming your mind even further than the books. As I wrote above, I now do 30-60 minutes, but 20 is good for most folks to start with.

I remember once, when I first began to meditate, I wasn’t feeling particularly confident or great about life. My thoughts, were going a mile a minute, and I couldn’t stop the anxiety inducing patterns.

However, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply for 20 minutes, in an attempt to clear my mind. After the time was up, it felt like I had hit a reset button on my brain and great sense of calm, came over me.

That night, I felt like I was in the zone and was so completely relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. Meditation can be a great tool for quieting those negative thoughts, that help to reinforce shyness and anxiety. If you can weaken your fears, then you can take action, which will in turn further weaken those fears.

You stop attaching yourself to the outcome. You stop trying to protect you ego and just exist in the moment. It doesn’t matter to you, if the conversation is going well, or going nowhere. It’s like you’re in a video game and playfully exploring the environment and possibilities.

Here is a good guided meditation, to get you started. Eventually, you can do the techniques without guidance, but it can be tough to focus when you’re a beginner:

Gaining First-Hand Experience

Like I said, reading and meditation are merely tools that I use to prime my brain and focus my thoughts. If that is all you do, then you’ll just be a calm and well-read guy sitting at home, which is not our goal. Obviously, the way you get over your fears and anxieties is to face them, and not only face them once but repeatedly until they no longer have any control over you.

This is just a fact of life. Professional athletes have to adjust, and get comfortable with the speed of their game at a higher level, after they leave high school or college. The first few years of their careers, athletes have to throw themselves into the game and learn on the fly, how different and more advanced things are now that they are professionals.

You too, have to learn how to deal with different ‘speeds’ of social interaction. Talking to your friend you’ve known for years, is a lot easier than, walking up to a girl you don’t know in a bar and chatting her up. It’s a learning experience you have to undertake and the more you expose yourself to the uncomfortable situations the quicker you will become more comfortable in them.

Of course, the quickest way to learn to be relaxed in these interactions with women is to immerse yourself in these situations. So for example, you might consider going out every day for a month and talking to as many women as possible. After, 30 days (30 Days to Life Change) of that your nerves will be falling by the wayside but it is important to note that having social skills will make it easier to go into an interaction without fear. As such, it might be a better idea to take it slow and learn social skills while chipping away at your shyness if you’re at a stage of utter cluelessness.

Indirect Ways to Reduce Shyness with Women

Going out every night and talking to women is a very good way of reducing your shyness around them but it isn’t always practical to do so. Here are a few ways in which I became more comfortable expressing myself in groups or in one on one conversations, that didn’t directly involve me trying to get a date or a phone number. These things allowed me to tailor my life towards a more social bent and gradually increase my social skills.

Jobs

Retail jobs aren’t fun but they can get you quite comfortable talking to people. I mean, if you’re full-time that’s 40 hours a week of practice time socializing. A great thing about having a job in retail is that you generally have a built-in script of things to talk about, after all you want to sell this product and help the customer.

You become a better reader of body language and will learn how to correct your own, in order to help other people feel more comfortable with you. I’ve done both the face to face retail jobs and the ones that are done over the phone and at some point it becomes so routine that you don’t even think about being shy. Cell phone retail stores, bartending, food service, clothing stores (usually girls on staff as well), are all useful to help you get more comfortable around people.

Clubs, Sports, etc.

If you’re in school, this is especially important. Join a club, join a sport (co-ed sports like swimming or track are great), or any other activity. You will meet a ton of people, have built-in topics to talk about, and will be a part of a group that you can gradually get more comfortable with. Don’t only join groups that you know you will enjoy but also push your boundaries and get involved in something that you might not know that much about.

Get Your Cardio up: Review of Visual Impact Cardio

Remember, the goal is to reduce shyness and awkwardness in social situations (especially with girls). So, getting a job and social activities that require interaction will have you practicing your social skills on a daily basis and as such your growth will be accelerated. If you’re not good a sports consider getting into shape and learning how to play.

 

Talking to Girls

 

It’s hard to still be nervous when talking to girls, if you are consistently talking to people throughout the day. However, some guys still do have a problem going up and talking to a girl at a party or a bar. This is why it is so important to develop both mindset and social skills because those basics is what will allow you to get better with women. A guy who is confident and can hold a basic conversation will always do better than the nervous guy who memorized some ‘game’ or pick-up lines. Also, see: How to Dress to Get Girls

The only way to get better at talking to girls is by going out and talking to them. The other things I mentioned can help to greatly reduce shyness and have you feeling more confident, but at some point you will have to dive into the deep end and just start talking. Don’t let you fear of rejection make you regret not taking action later in life. Do you want to be a lonely old man full of regrets? Wouldn’t you rather be the ideal version of you that I’m sure you’ve thought about being?

Look, right now getting phone numbers and learning how to flirt with women are logistical and secondary issues for you. Learn to crawl before you can walk and face the shyness by gaining confidence and learning to hold a basic conversation. Go for what you want but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get her number. This all takes time to figure out but you can accomplish it if you’re willing to do the work.

Overcoming shyness while talking with women is a process but shyness isn’t a life sentence nor is it encompassing of who you are as a person. Work to overcome shyness and social awkwardness now and give yourself the power to live the life that you have always wanted to.

 

INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK

GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$3.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

The post-grad dating scene can suck. In all honesty, it does take some adjustment to get used to. Obviously, college was great for getting girls, because you had a vast concentration of people. People of all different varieties whom with, you could hang out and in the case of cute girls, hook up with.

Life after college, is not so easy for getting dates. You have a job, that you spend most of your day at, and may or may not have available women there ( I know mine, doesn’t).

Your former social circles may be reduced significantly or be gone entirely. This fact, makes the whole meeting people thing extra difficult (multiplying zero ain’t too easy).

The list of changes goes on and on. Now a days, your schedule may look like: wake up, work, gym, home, TV, sleep (alone). Sucks right?

Well, fortunately you can reverse the tide, if you’re willing to put forth the effort to meet women. Though, it won’t be as simple to do, as it was in college. This isn’t a general guide on dating and picking up women after college. Rather, I just want to touch on where exactly you can meet these women.

Habits and Boundaries

I think that the biggest problem for most of us after college, is that we get settled into a comfort zone, after we have made the transition from school out into the real world.

You easily get mired in the aforementioned work, home, sleep cycle, and begin to feel like you’ll never meet a nice girl. You’re right in a way, you will need to expand beyond that cycle of isolation if you are to be successful in this endeavor.

I’ve known plenty of guys, and even girls, who felt like they needed to lock down a mate towards the tail end of college. All simply because of how ‘hard’ it would be to meet someone after the graduated.

Having a girlfriend is cool, but getting deeply involved with someone simply because they’re decent and you think you’ll end up alone, when you’re in your mid-twenties is nonsense.

That type of thinking seems like a recipe for divorce and delayed heart ache (not to mention the alimony payments).

This is a really important concept to understand: if your current life produces little interaction with the opposite sex, then it will continue to do so unless you change something.

I know that there are a lot of guys who say, ‘The club scene isn’t for me’. Fine, but if you sit at home and play video games instead of trying to meet someone, don’t complain when nothing materializes.

I’m not saying the bar scene is the only place to meet women (especially for a more serious relationship) but it does have it uses. Some people advocate using cold approach with women exclusively but that never made total sense to me, as it is a rather scattershot way of meeting chicks.

The best way to meet great women is by casting the widest net possible and narrowing it down and you do this by utilizing: cold approach, social circle, and online dating.

Now, that we have the idea of pushing your comfort zone and the various methods for meeting women let’s explore where we can meet them specifically.

 

Online Dating

This is merely one tool in your arsenal. Call this the least amount of effort model of getting with women.

The advantage of online dating is that: you can message a ton of them in a short amount of time, have some information on them, and can sit back and collect phone numbers if you do it right.

The downside is that you encounter plenty of flaky women and others who have some issues. Online dating works best, in the more metropolitan regions of the country. This is because of the whole casting a wide net idea, and filtering out the women, who would be a bad choice.

Actually, that’s true of all of these methods for getting women.

I know, lots of guys have limited success with this medium of getting dates. But, it is still worthwhile to do, even if you have a low percentage success rate. Plus, with the dating apps (Bumble, Hinge, and still Tinder in some places), this is an almost completely passive way to get potential dates.

Passive until it is time for the conversation. But hey, texting on the phone and turning that into a date, is pretty awesome.

I wrote a Kindle book on how to do this successfully (yes, there are lots of full text conversations, that I break down): Online Dating Book for Men

 

Bars/Clubs

I hardly drink. Like, a few times a year max. I still do, however, go out to bars and clubs. Not all of the time, but enough, to get some results.

Why? Because that’s where the women are! Now, some girls don’t do the bar scene, but there are plenty that do. Hence, it is a good place to meet new women.

Also, I like this scene because it can feel like an inherently hostile environment. This helps you build confidence and thoroughly not give a fuck about rejection.

Eventually, you reach the point where the crowds and loud music don’t bother you.  You get locked into a hot girl, that you’ve spotted, and simply go for the gusto.

Warning: I’ve never met a serious girlfriend at a bar, but have gotten plenty of other types of relationships and situations from it. So, consider what you’re looking for exactly.

Need further help?

If you’re a shy guy: Talk to Girls if You’re Shy

Need confidence: How to Build Confidence with Women

Simply don’t know what to say: How to Talk to Girls

My Other Kindle Book: Game Without Games

 

Local Events

Just about every city has events and festivals. GO TO THESE! Food festivals, beer festivals, and the like are usually crawling with women. Not only can you get some free (or cheap) meals, but you can conveniently meet some women, and there is always built in conversations to be had there.

This works extremely well with a group. Again, social connections, are a big part of the overall scheme of meeting women. You can do well, with just online dating and approaching alone. However, your results will skyrocket, once you have people to hang out with.

Something always happens, after going to these events. I meet someone’s friend, some random girl, or get with a girl I already know. Pretty easy, when you’re meeting dozens of women, in a single day.

If you have a modicum of social skills, and don’t act like a creepy weirdo, the group dynamic has huge benefits. As the women, are in the same position as you, struggling to meet people.

 

5K Runs and Charity Walks

Things like color runs, charity walks, bar crawls (they have races sometimes), and other assorted athletic events including Tough Mudder; are not only fun, supposedly, but also have plenty of females there.

If that’s something you like to do or would be interested in, there will be hundreds of girls there who not only share that common interest but are fit as well.

This isn’t really my thing, but I know a lot of women, who participate in this type of thing on a regular basis.

Maybe you’re out of shape: Get Ripped Abs, Working Out But Not Losing Weight?

 

Gyms/Exercise Classes

I don’t really approach women while their working out and I’m working out because it may not be the best time to do so and they may not want to talk (I know I really don’t while lifting).

However, you will see the same group of people at your gym everyday, so you’ll probably get to know some girls there just by repetition.  But if you want to go for it you can.

Exercise classes are a great place to meet women, because like any group there usually involves some interaction and hence opportunity to create some kind of comfort.

Also, sports teams and adult recreational leagues. Even if you just play basketball or flag football, you will meet guys that, you’ll probably become decent friends with. Then, meet at least a few girls, as a result of socializing with them.

Check out co-ed teams or fitness groups as well, swimming, and volleyball are magnets for girls.

Get Your Cardio Going: My Review of Visual Impact Cardio

Classes

College courses, community college courses, cooking classes, dance classes, whatever….classes are always an option to meet women and expand your horizons. In college, English classes always seemed to yield a girl (“Did you do the reading last night?” was a golden opening line).

Now that you’re out of college, consider taking some type of class for personal enrichment, and utilize your time in there to meet other people. People whom you can befriend, or meet a cute girl, and outright date.

I know multiple guys, who went the salsa dance class route. Even being almost completely incompetent with women, they still got a few numbers and dates.

Groups

There are plenty of interest groups out there. If you’re religious, you should probably consider a church group. Whatever it is you like or might be interested in, explore your city for like-minded people and organizations. Volunteer organizations, usually have tons of women.

 

The Biggest Part: Social Circle

The honest answer on where to meet women after college is anywhere…they’re more than half the population.

If you have to confidence to make conversation and the skill to pull it off, then meeting women won’t be a problem. However, most of us aren’t all that great at it, so we do need work.

All of the suggestions I’ve laid out thus far, are social activities or online dating, which is just people wanting to be around other people.

If you have a social circle already, than you can leverage that into meeting women. Friends of friends, girls you meet at parties or get togethers, random chicks you meet while out with your friends; are all byproducts of your social network.

This has by far been the biggest source of women in my life, for both sex and longer-term dating. You meet so many random women, get thrown into situations you cannot plan for, and it ends up working out.

The reason you are expanding your horizons, and doing as much socializing as possible, is to continually grow your social circle. You then have, the women come into your life, through what you already do. It’s a steady rotation.

Doing things that interest you, in a social manner, attracts women who also enjoy the same thing. And guess what? You’ll probably have great chemistry with these types of women. You will not need to resort to random pick-up lines, or feel pressure to start a conversation, because it will all develop naturally.

While approach girls in the bar is cool, by itself it is a limiting proposition. This is because you aren’t necessarily building a social circle, by hooking up with that one girl you meet, and once she’s gone you’re back to square one.

You want to develop a life that brings girls into it. That way, you don’t have to constantly be in that ‘hunter’ mode of trying to pick-up any girl, you come across.

That’s basically it, as far as places to meet women after college. I know it can be hard and the women don’t seem as prevalent as they were when you were walking around campus but trust me they are out there.

You have to make yourself want to go out and socialize and never be afraid to try new things. Not every social opportunity pans out but if you make the effort to present and improve yourself, women will find a way into your life.

INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK

GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$2.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

 

Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

There seems to be a proliferation of inexperienced guys out there, who truly believe that you have to be the best looking guy or filthy rich or have whatever else in order to get women interested. While these things can indeed be useful, they’re often only part of the equation. Are you a guy who is ugly or are you considered unattractive? Maybe or maybe it’s all in your head. Either way you shouldn’t let limiting beliefs stand in your way of having relationships with the girls that you desire. In this post, I want to help to dispel the myths and help you to see a path towards getting the girlfriend you want even if you’re physically unattractive. Yes, it is possible and I’ve seen ugly guys with incredibly hot women on plenty of occasions, so it can indeed be done. Let’s get into how to go about making it happen.

What Physical Attractiveness Is

Being physically attractive is basically like having a really good resume on a job hunt. It will get you offers right away but it’s mostly good for getting interviews. Is physical attractiveness an advantage? Absolutely. However, that advantage is only as good as the person behind it. For instance, there are plenty of guys who girls have an instant physical attraction to, who are utterly terrible with women. They sometimes luck into getting a girl but if they had any personality or skill, they would have so many more opportunities.

What all of that should tell you about men’s looks in terms of getting women is that it is only part of the picture. It is a way to get a woman’s attention, not her undying commitment. The thing about genuine attraction is that it occurs over time, which is why people often end up dating the people they work with or are involved in some other group with. So, the more time you spend with a woman the less your physical appearance tends to matter. Now, this doesn’t mean you can be a complete slob with poor hygiene, extremely awkward, rude, dress badly, etc. and land a girl who is always around you. It simply means that, your personality will have a chance to shine and captivate her if you can present it well.

Notice that attraction in terms of the initial interaction with women occurs on different levels. First, there is what I’ll call the superficial/societal level of interaction, that being the realm of looks, social status, etc. Another level is the one of sub communication, which is expressed through body language and can often be dictated by your own internal state (how you feel about yourself or the situation). Nervous people tend to fidget and stumble on their words while confident people have an air of control and relaxation, the latter compels attraction while the former repels it.

Also, note that every woman has a different preference towards men. Just because a girl is gorgeous doesn’t mean that she is shallow or stuck up. In fact, there are plenty of unattractive women who act stuck up because they are afraid of getting rejected. You must understand, however, that really attractive girls have lots of options, so at the end of the day, it’s more about separating yourself from the pack than your looks. The hottest girls don’t always date the best looking guys, even though they could. This is because looks are not the only determining factor. While this is true, there are still girls out there to whom looks are pretty much the deciding factor, at least for sex. If that’s how she chooses to go about things, then who the hell cares? There are literally billions of females on this planet, why get so caught up on one with such little depth?

INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK

GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$2.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

 

Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

 

Access, Time, and Socialization

If any physical type of girl can become attracted to a guy by getting to know him over time, it stands to reason that what most guys are primarily lacking is access to women. Girls who do modeling are not a different species, they simply run in a different social circle than most guys do. There are countless stories of photographers landing top models because the attraction was allowed to happen naturally. The founder of Penthouse magazine, who also did the photography, was famously hounded by the women who posed for him. Why? His attractive attributes were on full display during the photo shoots and drove these women wild.

It’s kind of hard to get a girlfriend if you’re never around women, as you lack both access and the ability to spend time with them. The obvious solution to this problem is to go out and socialize more. But, but….I’m bad at socializing with people, especially women. Well, of course you are, you wouldn’t be seeking advice if you weren’t. The good news is that you can become really good at interacting with women through practice. The bad news (if you’re lazy or make excuses) is that there is no way around this; you have to put yourself out there, face your anxieties, and be willing to take rejection head on. If you’re not willing to do this, you are resigning yourself to the same dating/social life you currently have (very little to none). I had to do it and so have thousands upon thousands of other men throughout history. No advice can help you if you aren’t going to help yourself.

Dating Environments that are Most Conducive

Physical attractiveness plays a bigger role in getting women depending on the environment. For example, online dating is based almost entirely on pictures. If you’re pictures suck, the responses get fewer and fewer. That’s not to say you couldn’t screw it up in the text messaging portion, however, if you decide to do online dating be sure to have great pictures.

Here are some posts I wrote for online dating:

• Online Dating Guide for Men
• Online Dating Guide for Men Part 2
• Attracting Women Posts

Bars and nightclubs can also be meat markets, though to a somewhat lesser degree than online. At bars and nightclubs, if you have the right confidence and social skills, you can definitely see success. You’ll still get rejected plenty, it’s just that you have a better shot to win girls over with a great personality. You have one of those, right?

As I wrote before, attraction takes place over time, and if you can meet girls in places where you have plenty of time (weeks or months) to interact with them, your odds rise considerably. Different types of classes, groups, and activities are good places to meet girls (How to Meet Girls After College). This doesn’t guarantee that you get girls, if you really do suck socially, you’re best bet is to just talk to people (without an agenda…stop trying to hook up with every girl) and figure out the basics of social interaction. Of course you can experiment and see what works but you need to get comfortable expressing yourself and learn how to present yourself properly.

Cultivate the External

I’m not here to try and sell you on looks not mattering at all, they do. It’s just that the degree to which they do, occurs on a personal level for the girl depending on her tastes and preferences. So, if you’re to improve your odds of getting a girlfriend you must improve your appearance. You may never have the same ability to get girls with your looks as a male model but you can maximize what you have to work with.

Now, the stubborn among you might be asking yourself, “Why do I have to change my looks? Can’t I just be who I am?” Yes, you can be who you are. However, the idea is to present the best version of yourself visually because it can make a huge difference. Don’t believe me? Google pictures of girls with and without make up and witness how powerful illusion can be. The girl you might be tripping over probably is pretty hot but she definitely enhances what she has to the maximum.

Clothing

It’s not that difficult or even expensive to dress better than 90+% of guys. Seriously.  The most important factors with clothes are how they fit and how the colors interact with one another and your skin tone. If you can get that down, the rest is just details and personalization. I wrote about basic style here.

I’ve gone out to bars wearing $10-20 shirts and have gotten specific comments from girls about how good I look. Why? The clothes fit my body well and I had great color coordination. Wearing the wrong color for your skin tone can make you look a lot worse, it is a really important factor.

Hair/Skin

Hair is pretty simple, keep it clean and have a style that is manageable plus looks good on you. Skin can be a major problem for a lot of people, in terms of their looks. Acne needs to be treated and I can’t really suggest a treatment for you, as everyone reacts well to different medications, but try to get it take care of to the best of your ability. Also, if you’ve got dry skin, put on some damn lotion, man!

Grooming

Teeth, body hair, personal hygiene, and scent. I shouldn’t have to explain to you that you need to take a shower, brush your teeth, etc. Trimming your body hair can be important when hooking up with a girl or if you’re at the beach and want to look your best.  A great cologne, can get you many complements, and have girls wanting to stay around you once you have them hooked a bit: Best Colognes for Men

Get in Shape

Yes, working out can have a tremendous impact on your initial attractiveness, here is more posts about that:

• How to Get Ripped Abs
• Visual Impact Cardio Workout

Cultivate the Internal

Improving the external will help you capture their attention visually, however, it kind of loses its power if you don’t have the internal fortitude to back it up. All too often we fall back into conditioned patterns instead of attempting to change the status of our lives. Why? Change is tough. In order to be who people always have told you are and what your own mental narrative says you are is easy.

If you feel like you’re a loser or ugly or whatever, then you can always seek out things in your environment that confirms your suspicions. Is that all you have to be or can be? Nope. If you’re feeling down because you’ve never had a girlfriend or even just a kiss/hookup, let me explain to you that you’re definitely not alone. I get thousands of guys a month here that are just like you. Hell, I was just like you. I didn’t get a girl until after high school and I got girls eventually because I faced my fears and forced myself to get better. I got rejected countless times, kept trying, and then I started to have girls in my life.

The most important thing I learned through all of that was that even when I had multiple girls around or relationships, none of that made me happy. It was cool and all for a while but it actually ended up making me even more depressed. I had to learn the hard way that if I’m not happy with myself nothing is going to make me happy and that my confidence can’t be based on how the external environment reacts to me, I need to be centered all on my own.

I’ve written about all of this in depth, so I’m keeping this brief and will link you to further reading. However, learning how to get out of my own head, have confidence, and be able to take rejection without fear, helped me to make massive gains in life quality. A trick I used to get me to approach girls, when I first started out was to think about the world at large instead of myself. I thought about the context of my situation, I was one of billions of humans in history, living on a tiny rock that flies around a big star in a galaxy with billions of other stars…me getting rejected was not important in the grand scheme of things. We focus so much on our selves, people’s perceptions, and protecting our own ego that we lose sight of the fact that talking to girls isn’t a very big deal. I mean, I’m a man and she’s a woman, we’re kind of built for this.

More Posts to Cultivate the Internal:

• How to Deal with Loneliness
• How to get a Girlfriend
• How to Have Confidence with Women
• Talking to Girls at College Parties (conversational tips)
• Get Past Fear of Rejection

Please take the time to read the other posts that I’ve linked on this one because I think that they may really help you out. Being physically unattractive isn’t necessarily a deal breaker for women, for some it definitely might be, but there’s nothing you can really do about that. If you truly want to get better with women you have to be able to cultivate yourself, present yourself, and risk putting yourself out there. It can definitely be done, ugly dudes throughout history have gotten laid, and things are no different now.

If you find yourself in college and you cannot get a girlfriend, it is little wonder as to why you would start to feel down about things. Let me tell you, that you are definitely not alone in your situation. In fact, most guys in college aren’t getting laid left and right, though, they’d tell you BS stories that would indicate otherwise. Judging by the traffic I get to this website, there are plenty of guys that are in the same boat as you. On a college campus, there are virgins, guys who get girls here and there, guys who are locked down in relationships, and then usually an elite number of guys who are the players. Obviously, if you’re in the first group, it would be beneficial to move into one of the other three (hopefully lock down with a girlfriend isn’t too bad). Though the question begs, how do you go about getting a girlfriend in college if you’ve never had one?  Fear not. In this post, I want to break down the social scene, and help you see a path to getting girls in college.  Remember, as always, the ultimate goal in this site is to improve yourself first and foremost, girls are secondary, though, can be a welcome addition to your life.

Do You Even Want a ‘Girlfriend’?

A huge problem for many guys it seems, is that they really don’t know what they want, in the context of their relationships with women. There are no doubt some of you reading this now who want nothing more than to hook up with a ton of chicks, no strings attached. That’s fine and dandy, however, your lack of experience can certainly blind you to how dirty ‘the game’ can be. Others among this group of readers, may be completely committed to finding a girl for marriage as soon as possible, after a long courting process. Once again, your youth and inexperience can blind you to all the downsides to serious relationships, especially those undertaken at a young age. Your tastes and attitudes towards life will in all likelihood change completely in the next ten years or so, which makes it a dangerous proposition to get entangled in marriage early on in life. It is generally a good idea to get more experience under your belt, after all there are jobs or other pursuits to consider before settling down.

Whatever path you choose, be aware of the pros and cons of each. Perhaps, it would be a better idea to not go overboard on either option, but undertake a third way which lets you play the field but still enjoy a few more serious girlfriends as good matches come along. I’m not going to tell you what to do in terms of your romantic entanglements, but I want to emphasize, that you should start to figure out what you want with your relationships, to help save a lot of pain and possibly heartache.

INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK

GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$2.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

 

Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

 

 

Excuses, Excuses…Shut Up and Dictate your Own Life

The next thing that you must come to terms with is your own mental limitations. These are the negative thought patterns which you run back in your mind over and over again. Such as, “I’m a loser. I’ll never have a girlfriend.”, “I have no friends and nobody likes me.”, “I can’t get a girlfriend because I don’t live on campus.” Blah, Blah, Blah…

When I first went to college, I didn’t live on campus either. In fact, I was a commuter student, and lived at home 20-30 minutes away from school. Secondly, I really didn’t know anyone there. While seemingly everyone else lived around campus or in the dorms and could thus meet plenty of people each day, I had to make a concerted effort to do so. Plus, I worked a job, 20-40 hours per week depending on my class schedule. Guess what? I still got girls. Perhaps not as many as I could have, had I been in a more optimal situation, but I still made it happen. That’s a trifecta of sucky circumstance, not having a place of my own, working, and having limited ability to meet new people. The point is, that you shouldn’t make excuses, you can’t always control circumstance but you can always try to plan around it. You may never be a guy who gets dozens of women but you can sure as hell get one at least.

Another thing I would like to say about dating girls in college has to do with standards (also see: Do You Have Standards?). Do you currently not have a girlfriend because your standards are too high? Being selective isn’t a bad thing but don’t complain that it is difficult, when you significantly narrowed your options. Also, if your standards are that high, what have you done to make yourself live up to high standards? Don’t be boring, overweight, dress like a slob, shy, nervous, and then get upset when the hotties don’t flock to you, as you have done little to broaden your appeal. Be aware that there are girls in college who can’t get dates either, I guarantee, that one of those girls would date you. The only thing holding you back is your own standards. If you’re unwilling to date those girls you consider ugly, then you must improve your level of attractiveness to the ones you want, and quit crying because you don’t have a girlfriend.  You are stopping you, not society.

Other Helpful Posts:

• How to Deal with Loneliness
• 30 Days to Start a Life Change
• No Fap Challenge
• How to Talk to Girls when You’re Shy
• All How to Get a Girlfriend Related Posts

Thou Wilt be Social

If you’re reading this, I’m going to venture a guess, and say that you suck socially. It’s okay, you may suck at basketball too, but much like basketball skills, social skills can be developed. The social aspect is usually the biggest hindrance to guys who can’t seem to get a girlfriend. Sure, there are guys who have fairly large social circles and are just terrible at one on one interaction with a girl, but the majority just plain suck at every level socially.

Keep in mind though, you’re not broken and you’re not a loser, you just need to put in more work than some other people. It is also a process; you will oscillate between improvements and setbacks socially. I remember during my bout with depression, how poorly I did socially, mostly because I felt like I couldn’t do anything. The worst thing about it, is that I cost myself a year (socially and academically), and this was after I had already enjoyed success with women. I remember meeting girls during that time, who would flirt with me and I was just so unhappy about life, I didn’t care (I’ll write more about this in another post). The point being, that getting better at things like being social is never a straight line. There are always periods where you feel like things are pointless and you doubt yourself, but not moving forward will make you miss the good times.

If you really can’t get a girlfriend and you have identified your social standing as the main reason why, then this is the first area I would focus on, even above getting girls.  A majority of having game in college involves sociability and being a connecter socially. There are definitely guys out there who are fantastic at picking up girls in bars and clubs because they’ve worked on that aspect but may be totally lost in a college atmosphere due to the fact that they cannot build a social circle worth a damn.

 

The keys to meeting a lot of people in college are to participate and offer value. The truth of the matter is that a ton of people you meet are not going to be what you would term a close friend, most are acquaintances that you’ll will have shared experiences with at parties or events. That’s really not a bad thing either, as you’ll achieve a good balance, having a core group of close knit friends and a wide variety of people you can kick it with on occasion. Plus, you’ll have the opportunity to meet a lot of girls you would never have otherwise met, if you had stayed within your own close knit circle due to the multiplier effect.

Let me give you an example of leveraging acquaintances using the multiplier effect. Say, you head to a party with one of your close friends. You may be looking your best and be in a good mental flow, but what if you don’t know anyone at this party and your friend doesn’t either? Well, you’re at a distinct disadvantage because you’re not verified socially. Meaning, you have to work that much harder to work the room and vie for the attention of the girls in the surrounding environment. Not saying you won’t get girls, but why make something more difficult?

However, let’s say you go to a party and now you have a few acquaintances around along with your friend. Now, the playing field has been elevated a bit. Each acquaintance, will usually have a few friends with them that will be introduced to you, and as long as you can be basically social, the base of people you know has been expanded and can be leveraged. Let me explain,

1. Girls you may eventually date can often start out as friends of friends, so by ever expanding your social circle, your options increase.
2. Some social verification happens for people at the party. There is a huge difference between flying solo and having multiple interactions with different groups. Girls tend to notice social guys and even if you barely know the people you’re talking to, it gives off the illusion of social acceptance and hence makes her more comfortable with you.
3. College is a highly social environment. Everybody wants to meet new people, especially girls. If you’re a guy who knows lots of people and can introduce her to them, you’ll be golden.

I can’t stress enough how important it is for guys to focus first on being social, even before learning any ‘game’ to pick up women. Time is a huge factor in getting women, lots of hook-ups can happen in just one night, but plenty more relationships developed over time. It’s pretty easy to spend time with a girl, if you run in the same social circles. If you can make yourself a desirable man, lots of opportunities present themselves with girls in your social circle or with their friends.

Here’s more on that: How to Start a Conversation with a Girl at a College Party

Okay, so I can’t teach you every aspect of being social in this post, it would be tens of thousands of extra words long. Plus, most of what you learn socially is through direct practice, so reading would only get you so far. In this next section, I want to cover some places you can start to expand your social circle in college.

Groups

There are dozens of interest, political, social, and academic groups on college campuses. If you know what’s good for you socially, you will use them! I joined plenty of groups and even with the ones I wasn’t all that actively engaged in, I still ended up seeing some benefits. One of the best benefits was that, girls who were also involved in whatever group I was, would see me at a social event or bar and come up to chat with or hug me, and introduce their friends to me. Not bad, considering that I still barely knew any of these girls, but because we were in a group together, I was accepted by them quickly. Student groups are always a friendly, low-key atmosphere, in which there is no pressure to perform like if you were trying to pick up girls at the bar. Use groups to participate in things you enjoy with other people and also to push your boundaries and develop new interests, getting girls often follows as a result.

What are some good options?

Co-ed Sports

Seriously. Find a club team that is open to both men and women or participate in campus tournaments and leagues. Lots of schools have club swim teams or co-ed volleyball or fitness clubs. They’re all great options to both stay in shape and interact with girls you already have a shared interest with. Find sports you want to learn or might already be interested in. Being a part of a team, creates close bonds very quickly, as you are all working towards the same goal and see one another a few times per week.

Volunteer Work

I was involved in a volunteer organization for a time on campus, because helping people was something that was really starting to resonate with me. As an added bonus, I was only one of two guys in that group, and those are odds I like.

Fraternities

Not for everyone but they’re not all as they are always portrayed. Some guys are clowns, no matter what circumstances they find themselves in. Other fraternity guys are friendly and cool as hell to hang out with. I rushed a fraternity and got a bid, only, I couldn’t accept due to the fact that I had destroyed my GPA by that point.  However, this path, has a built in social network that will guarantee to give you the opportunity to meet plenty of people. Though, it should be noted, you won’t get laid just because you’re in a fraternity, you still have to work on attracting girls.

Gym

Although I’ve graduated from college, I still reside in the same city, and use the campus gym to work out because I get a huge discount as an alumni. The funny thing is, I still meet people at the gym and get recognized by current students. Lifting weights or playing basketball, I have seen the same guys over and over again, and as usually happen, you eventually start talking to these people and gain even more acquaintances. Try joining exercise classes or regularly playing pick-up basketball and you will meet plenty of people that you may hang out with.

Alright, I think you get the point about groups. Go out and participate. Don’t try to force your way into cliques, simply be social and learn these basic skills. Some guys make the mistake of trying to learn pick-up lines or some other form of gaming girls and try to utilize these tools to bypass the social scene in college. This is a bad idea because in a college community, word will get around that you’re a weird or creepy guy, which is no fun. What guys need to realize, is that women manifest themselves in your life simply as a byproduct of being social. This is because it allows you to demonstrate your natural attractive qualities and lets the girls who may like you enter your world.

How Do You Get A Girl in Class?

This is one of the biggest questions guys have. The hot girls, you never really see around campus, but have class with. It’s tough to answer in step by step specific terms because there is some much variance in possible situations. I got girls from class (English classes seemed to work really well for some reason) and even dated one for almost a year. All I ever did was to sit next to whatever girl I found attractive and simply talk to her throughout the semester. Not much practical help, is it?  I’m sorry but the best ‘game’, that I’ve found that works with women, is to have no game. All of the people saying , “Just be yourself.”, all of these years turned out to be correct, the concept behind it has just been misunderstood.

I will say that the majority of how women become attracted to you starts with your mental state. There is an inner strength and certainty that must be tapped into (I wrote about this in detail here: How to Build Confidence Around Women). I don’t want to go into too much detail here, as I have done so repeatedly on this site, but I will have your dating options explode once you figure out how to apply them to your life.

1. Be a man of certainty. Both in yourself but also your values in life. As a man, you have all of the tools you need in life at your disposal, some of these tools just need to be sharpened and enhanced. This doesn’t mean be a cocky prick, it means that you carry yourself with a quiet confidence, as you recognize the only thing you truly have control over is your own faculties and decision making. Let go of all the negative talk and ego protection. Also, recognize a girl will not make you happy, you must find your own happiness from within. (Dealing with Approach Anxiety)
2. Be relaxed. This stems from the first point, as once you’re confident that you as a man are already complete, most petty worries seem to float away. Girls are great at picking up on body language and when you relax, they relax, and that is highly important.
3. Openness. Being open doesn’t mean sharing every intimate detail about yourself. It means presenting yourself without a front. Stop trying to impress her or act cool. Be genuine.
4. Be funny. Laughter is a very contagious and attractive form of expression. Girls love guys who are funny. Don’t force jokes just to entertain her and impress her, do it if it is a part of your personality and a true expression of self.
5. Indifference. Understand that any girl can be gotten and also gotten rid of. This doesn’t mean cold and distant, you are still open and engaging as a man BUT, you dictate the terms of your life whether she is there or not. You don’t allow your sexual desire to be taken advantage of and you don’t accept mistreatment simply for the luxury of having a girlfriend. You are willing to walk away from any girl, no matter how attractive, if things are not right. Some women don’t like the results this yields for them but they all respect this in a man.
6. Initiative. Take the reins of your life and make decisions about what you want. If you want to talk to a girl, talk to her! You don’t have to ‘pick her up’ or close the deal on the first night but take an interest in her.

Those are some of the most important traits to have as a man in order to be attractive. If you can develop a solid and confident sense of self, you will be so far ahead of the game and most of the rest of getting girls is just meeting them and figuring out logistics. There is also the matter of your physical presentation, perception does matter in terms of attraction. It’s not hard to have good hygiene and a bit of style, here are some posts to help:

• How to Dress for College Men
• Best Smelling Colognes for Men

I hope that I’ve provided some basic insight into getting a girlfriend in college. This post, is by no means a complete guide, however, there is plenty of information on this site to help put it all together. So much of actually attracting girls is giving yourself a chance to meet plenty of them, having complete confidence as a man, and sharpening your social skills. Sitting in your dorm room or apartment, watching adult films or playing video games, isn’t going to produce results.  The girl isn’t going to fall out of the sky. Get your shit straight, improve, have fun, be yourself, and the girls will follow.