As I wrote on the last post, my ‘guide’ to online dating, I did a three week run on OK Cupid to test out and try to find out what really works on these dating sites. My results were pretty good and in terms of simply getting a response, which I’ve heard from other guys is the hardest part for them, my results were fantastic. I messaged 19 girls on that site and got 13 of them to message me back, which ain’t too shabby, and the more I learned the greater my success was. In this post, I wanted to share with you guys what worked for me and what I should have done differently in my dialogue with these girls so that hopefully you can enjoy some serious success with your online dating profiles. Also, check out my posts: Where to Meet Girls After College, How to Dress Well for Men for more ideas outside of online dating.
#1 Your Initial Message Should Stand Out from the Crowd
Okay, so I experimented with different opening messages and telling a girl she is cute can work but you should follow that up with a specific question about who she is. I try to open up with some sort of commonality between us told in a cute or funny way. For instance:
Example opener #1: Your Halloween costume in that picture isn’t as good as mine. :p. What are you going as this year?
I had a picture up with my Halloween costume on and this girl did too. I threw in a bit of simple teasing just to establish a playful tone. Emoticons are important in text because what you say can often be misinterpreted and some girls are that dumb to take something obviously meant as a joke and get pissed about it. Notice I followed up with a question which serves as a call to action, meaning, if she approves of my pictures she will almost certainly respond and invest in a conversation.
This conversation naturally launched into more about Halloween and funny costume ideas which I suggested and then she approved of. It was great because she started making jokes and was digging the interaction. On my third message, I sent my number, and she texted me a day or two later. However, I did make a mistake that I’ll get to later but it was going well.
#2 Check Out Their Profiles First and See who Checks You Out
If a girl looks at your profile take it as a green light to message her. I swear I got a response from every girl except for one. Now, these conversations didn’t always go anywhere but I at least got past the initial filter. Here’s a variation of a message I sent to the girls who checked out my profile:
Example Opener #2: I caught you playing look at one another’s profile tag…already starting with games are we? 😀
Completely stupid, right? It works though. Calling them out for playing profile tag and not messaging you, again, establishes a playful tone and then you immediately hit them with a question. This literally started to become my go to move as opposed to messaging at random, I simply clicked the profiles of girls and then fell back to see who looked at me. There were plenty that I never messaged but the example opener worked 90+% of the time on the one’s I did.
#3 Girls will Flake, Others will Give You Nothing to Work With
Seriously, online dating can be a crapshoot. You will hook girls into a conversation, have them text you, and then never hear from them again even if you made no glaring errors in your convo. Like the Halloween costume girl, texted me and was responding quickly to all my messages and even investing/qualifying herself to me. I was going to go for a date, but the next time I texted her, I got no response. I tried again a week later and once again no response. My rule is to always try twice and then delete the number from my phone….if she’s interested she’ll take the two seconds to respond.
Other girls readily responded to my messages but gave me no material to work with. They wouldn’t ask me questions or give many details in their answers. With these types of girls, I simply stop trying because it’s not worth my time to try with someone who won’t work with you.
#4 Go for the Number but Give Them Your Facebook
I deactivated my personal Facebook page because I frankly find it pretty useless. However, this cost me in the online dating game because it acts as a social proof to girls and lets them know you’re not a psycho. The easy solution is to give them your number and tell them to shoot you a text and also send them a link to your Facebook to let them know you’re a legit guy and not some creeper. Once I re-activated and started sending links the flaking went down considerably.
#5 Girls that Message You First
Girls that message you first….it is so on. Out of the girls who messaged me first, three of them were attractive. I got all three of their numbers, got one date, one who I could date if I choose, and one who lived too far away but sent me some naughty pics regardless. All you have to do is not screw it up in your messages and you can get the number fairly early, from there it is standard text game.
#6 More Messages that got Responses
I call these types of messages stupid date ideas. I got the idea from the movie Scarface, in which Tony Montana claims that ‘girls like ice cream mayne’. Tony was right and it works so ridiculously well.
Example Message #3 (Doesn’t need to be an opener): So when you take me to “insert date idea here” I don’t know what “flavor or dish or whatever” to get. What are you going to get? 😀
Seriously, this worked like a charm. Say for example you jokingly suggest she takes you to the Olive Garden, the message would be something like: “So when you take me to the Olive Garden, I don’t know if I should get the Chicken Parm or the Neverending Pasta Bowl. Thoughts? What are you getting? :D”
After that question sign your name like a letter so: Sincerely, (your name)
I don’t know why this worked but my thoughts are that it flips the idea of a date, on to her taking you out and presumably paying…which often gets under their skin, expect responses like: “Wait, you have to take ME out!” Secondly, it makes a date a sort of no big deal and even playful thing, almost creating a mental picture of her actually on a date with you and sometimes visualization is powerful. Third, it is so corny and obviously absurd that girls just seemed compelled to respond and once the conversation is going it’s simple to get them to text you, provided you do the Facebook link.
#7 Patience is a Virtue
Some girls take forever to respond to your messages but they eventually will if you’re interesting. Also, don’t be afraid to reengage a girl who didn’t message you back but wait some time before you do it. Like maybe wait a week or two and don’t even acknowledge your last message but just start it up and try again. This got me a few numbers that I wouldn’t have gotten if I just gave up. Other girls you shouldn’t bother with because their flakes anyways but you can always give it one try to see if she responds before you give up.
I literally had a girl message me back two weeks after the fact and I saw her showing up on my matches as being ‘online now’ almost every day. Another girl, I sent my number to after she seemed to be really interested but I didn’t hear anything from her. Five days or so later I re-engaged with the stupid date idea template above and she sent me her number from it and I got a date. Girls will talk to you and ignore you for a variety of reasons so never take this online dating thing to heart because it is really dumb sometimes.
So after three weeks of experimenting with online dating, these are my ideas to impart on you guys. I say online dating is a mixed bag, pretty frustrating sometimes. There aren’t always that many girls you will find attractive and secondly they flake wayyyyy more than girls you meet a bars or something like that. I’ve never had so many phone numbers that went nowhere but the girls that I got further with have been cool thus far. For right now, I’m done with the online game but I’ll check the matches every once in a while to see if I spot someone cute and do my whole shtick. This game is pretty easy, I got way over 50% to respond to me but once again sometimes success is fleeting. Again, here is part one if you haven’t read it: Online Dating Guide for Men Part 1