The post-grad dating scene can suck and in all honesty it does take some adjustment to get used to. Obviously, college was great because you had a concentration of people of all different varieties whom with you could hang out with and in the case of cute girls hook up with. Life after college is not so easy. You have a job that you spend most of your day at and may or may not have available women there ( I know mine doesn’t). Your former social circles may be reduced significantly or be gone entirely, which makes the whole meeting people thing extra difficult (multiplying zero ain’t too easy). The list of changes goes on and on. Now a days, your schedule may look like: wake up, work, gym, home ,TV, sleep (alone). Sucks right? Well, fortunately you can reverse the tide, if you’re willing to put forth the effort to meet women, though it won’t be as simple to do as it was in college. This isn’t a general guide on dating and picking up women after college, rather, I just want to touch on where exactly you can meet these women.
Habits and Boundaries
I think that the biggest problem for most of us after college is that we get settled into a comfort zone after we have made the transition from school out into the real world. You easily get mired in the aforementioned work, home, sleep cycle, and begin to feel like you’ll never meet a nice girl. You’re right in a way, you will need to expand beyond that cycle of isolation if you are to be successful in this endeavor. I’ve known plenty of guys and even girls who felt like they needed to lock down a mate towards the tail end of college simply because of how ‘hard’ it would be to meet someone after the graduated. Having a girlfriend is cool but getting deeply involved with someone simply because their decent and you think you’ll end up alone when you’re in your mid-twenties is nonsense. That type of thinking seems like a recipe for divorce and delayed heart ache (not to mention the alimony payments).
This is a really important concept to understand: if your current life produces little interaction with the opposite sex, then it will continue to do so unless you change something. I know that there are a lot of guys who say, ‘The club scene isn’t for me’, fine, but if you sit at home and play video games instead of trying to meet someone, don’t complain when nothing materializes. I’m not saying the bar scene is the only place to meet women (especially for a more serious relationship) but it does have it uses. Some people advocate using cold approach with women exclusively but that never made total sense to me, as it is a rather scattershot way of meeting chicks. The best way to meet great women is by casting the widest net possible and narrowing it down and you do this by utilizing: cold approach, social circle, and online dating. Now, that we have the idea of pushing your comfort zone and the various methods for meeting women let’s explore where we can meet them specifically.
This is merely one tool in your arsenal. Call this the least amount of effort model of getting with women. The advantage of online dating is that you can message a ton of them in a short amount of time, have some information on them, and can sit back and collect phone numbers if you do it right. The downside is that you encounter plenty of flakey women and others who have some issues. Online dating works best in the more metropolitan regions of the country because of the whole casting a wide net idea and filtering out the women who would be a bad choice. Here are my two in depth posts about online dating:
Online Dating Guide for Men, Part I
Online Dating Guide for Men, Part II
I hardly drink, like, a few times a year max. I still do, however, go out to bars and clubs. Why? Because that’s where the women are! Now, some girls don’t do the bar scene, but there are plenty that do and hence it is a good place to meet new women. Also, I like this scene because it can feel like an inherently hostile environment, which helps you build confidence and thoroughly not give a fuck about rejection. Eventually, you reach the point where the crowds and loud music don’t bother you because you get locked into a hot girl you’ve spotted and simply go for the gusto. I’ve never met a serious girlfriend at a bar, but have gotten plenty of other types of relationships and situations from it.
If you’re a shy guy: Talk to Girls if You’re Shy
Need confidence: How to Build Confidence with Women
Simply don’t know what to say: How to Talk to Girls
Need some style: Best Smelling Colognes for Men, How to Dress to Attract Women
Just about every city has events and festivals. GO TO THESE! Food festivals, beer festivals, and the like are usually crawling with women. Not only can you get some free meals but you can conveniently meet some women and there is always built in conversations to be had there.
5K Runs and Charity Walks
Things like color runs, charity walks, bar crawls (they have races sometimes), and other assorted athletic events including Tough Mudder, are not only fun but also have plenty of females there. If that’s something you like to do or would be interested in, there will be hundreds of girls there who not only share that common interest but are fit as well.
Maybe you’re out of shape: Get Ripped Abs, Working Out But Not Losing Weight?
I don’t really approach women while their working out and I’m working out because it may not be the best time to do so and they may not want to talk (I know I really don’t while lifting). However, you will see the same group of people at your gym everyday so you’ll probably get to know some girls there just by repetition. But if you want to go for it you can.
Exercise classes are a great place to meet women, because like any group there usually involves some interaction and hence opportunity to create some kind of comfort. Also, sports teams and adult recreational leagues. Even if you just play basketball or flag football you will meet guys that you’ll probably become decent friends with and meet at least a few girls as a result of socializing with them. Check out co-ed teams or fitness groups as well, Cross-Fit , swimming, and volleyball are magnets for girls.
Get Your Cardio Going: My Review of Visual Impact Cardio
College courses, community college courses, cooking classes, dance classes, whatever….classes are always an option to meet women and expand your horizons. In college, English classes always seemed to yield a girl (“Did you do the reading last night?” was a golden opening line). Now that you’re out of college, consider taking some type of class for personal enrichment and utilize your time in there to meet other people who you can befriend or meet a cute girl and outright date.
There are plenty of interest groups out there. If you’re religious, you should probably consider a church group. Whatever it is you like or might be interested in, explore your city for like-minded people and organizations. Volunteer organizations, usually have tons of women.
The honest answer on where to meet women after college is anywhere…they’re more than half the population. If you have to confidence to make conversation and the skill to pull it off, then meeting women won’t be a problem. However, most of us aren’t all that great at it, so we do need work. All of the suggestions I’ve laid out thus far are social activities or online dating which is just people want to be around other people. If you have a social circle already, than you can leverage that into meeting women. Friends of friends, girls you meet at parties or get togethers, random chicks you meet while out with your friends are all byproducts of your social network.
The reason you are expanding your horizons and doing as much socializing as possible is to continually grow your social circle and have the women come into your life through what you already do. Doing things that interest you in a social manner attracts women who also enjoy the same thing and guess what? You’ll probably have great chemistry with these types of women and not need to resort to random pick-up lines or feel pressure to start a conversation because it will all develop naturally. While approach girls in the bar is cool, by itself it is a limiting proposition, because you aren’t necessarily building a social circle by hooking up with that one girl you meet and once she’s gone you’re back to square one. You want to develop a life that brings girls into it so that you don’t have to constantly be in that ‘hunter’ mode of trying to pick-up any girl you come across.
That’s basically it, as far as places to meet women after college. I know it can be hard and the women don’t seem as prevalent as they were when you were walking around campus but trust me they are out there. You have to make yourself want to go out and socialize and never be afraid to try new things. Not every social opportunity pans out but if you make the effort to present and improve yourself, women will find a way into your life.
INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK
GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH
$2.99 on Amazon.com (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free
Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.
With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.
If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.