Could you go hard for a month? I mean, choose a new habit you wish to adopt, and make it happen for 30 days straight? Sure, you can. You might already watch TV or play video games every day, so why couldn’t you try something else? If you want to get better with women, you’re going to need to accumulate experience in order to dissolve your old limiting beliefs and help install new ones. The problem with this is that if your currently social life only has you interacting with women once a month or not at all then any gains you see will be very minimal indeed.
I remember when I first started going out with the intention of getting better with women, I would go out on Saturday nights, and I made that a habit that I stuck with. Was it worth it? Yes, I gained valuable insight on what I needed to improve and how to overcome my fears. However, once a week wasn’t giving me enough feedback so I upped it to every Thursday and Saturday nights to coincide with the most popular club nights for college students and allow me to take the lessons I learned on Thursday, and try to implement them on Saturday night. I did this for a long time and gradually got better but the biggest change I noticed was when I would go out 3 or 4 nights in a row, I started to develop a rhythm.
These extra days allowed me to feel more comfortable in the nightclub type environments, which led me to relax and have better interactions with girls. I never did a full month of going out, probably because I established the fundamentals over a longer stretch of time, but I do see a value in trying it out due to the rapid gains you can experience from it. This is not to say that in thirty days you will have mastered social interactions or to even say that you’ll have one phone number at the end of the experience. However, if you can stick it out for thirty days and approach women then you will definitely have broken down some previous mental barriers that you once held, which is a great starting point. From there, you can obviously expand your improvements physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially, etc. but this is a great way to break down the wall that currently blocks you and build the life you want in its place.
Right now, I feel myself needing better mental clarity and discipline in my life because I am sort of overloaded with things I need to get done. A busy schedule can introduce all kinds of negative habits that can nest if you don’t uproot them. For instance, my goals for the next thirty days are to exercise and mediate each day. Simple goals, right? Yes, but they lead to many benefits that I value highly. So far my sleep has improved which leads me to wake up earlier, which leads to better food choices, and getting more work done. My mind is much clearer than it has been of late and I feel like I have more energy also.
The transition into these daily habits was fairly easy for me to accomplish because I already did mediate and workout at least a few times each week but I wanted to try a boot camp like approach with both of them in order to accelerate the mental and physical benefits. Increasing my weight training for example from two or three days a week to five wasn’t that bad because I didn’t have to deal with the overwhelming soreness of going from zero to five, which would have left me exhausted. These same ideas also apply towards your social development, and whether you do a full month or stretch it out for six straight weeks of going out, the gains you will see in that amount of time should be pretty impressive.
30 days of sustained effort isn’t a cure-all and at the end you won’t be miles ahead of where you were but you definitely will be better. People tend to fail in their long term goals for various reasons like lack of planning, but also it is often because they try to take on too many new things at once. For instance, when trying to lose weight people may begin to exercise more and eat less, which is good for trying to induce the weight loss. However, while they do this they also ignore the triggers in their environment that causes them to overeat and fail to plan in detail when they are going to work out and how to make the transition from their current life to the one they want. In essence, they are trying to forge a new lifestyle without fully giving up the other one and a house divided obviously cannot stand.
The way around such a problem is to either use overwhelming force and snuff out the problem for good or to slowly introduce new habits to sort of establish a beachhead and transition relatively easily. This is where the 30 days comes in. If you are trying to get in shape, then the slower method would involve goals of establish a 3 day per week workout routine and the gradual elimination of unhealthy foods from your diet. So, you would find a workout routine and stick with that program 3 days per week for a month, which allows your muscles to adjust to the workload and cause a minimal amount of disruption to your life. Meanwhile, your dietary changes might include introducing a healthy breakfast each morning for the first week, while the rest of your diet remains the same. In the second week, you could make it a bit better by elimination soda, beer, and other sugary drinks. You could continue this for a full four weeks and you would have gone from no exercise during the previous month to 12 exercise sessions during your initial 30 days of change. You would have gone from a poor diet, to one that at least had a healthy breakfast, decrease or elimination of soft drinks/alcohol, and the possible introduction of other healthy habits. You haven’t completely transformed your life but you have made inroads and taught yourself what it takes to introduce change.
The idea for a focused month of change is to essentially build a bridge from one version of you to an improved version of you. The second method for accomplishing this is that of overwhelming force. This is the idea of immersing yourself into the goal that you have and maximizing the benefits of doing so. This method is sort of liking buying a new video game and playing the hell out of it for some period of time. That game will consume your free time but by the end of a month you’ve already developed some sufficient skills.
Let’s take that idea and say that your goal now is to go from a video game nerd to being a very social person who can pick up women. The 30 days would be intense but also could have a profound impact on your life if tackled correctly. This change could include establishing an exercise routine, stopping the video games and excessive TV watching, listening to motivational podcasts or books on tape during exercise or while driving, reading articles about socializing and pick up every day to reinforce your goals, dressing better, going out every single night, and basically going out of your way each day to be social.
That’s a lot of stuff, right? The great thing about it though, is you will establish a great rhythm each day and will be super focused and motivated. This method of overwhelming your life with positive change can allow you to make super leaps in your level of skill and your ability to break bad habits. The weakness in this method is that because it is so tough and overwhelming in your life, it can be harder to stick to and you run the risk of slipping right back into old habits if you happen to have a bad day. It is said that the easiest way to learn a language is to move to a country and immerse yourself in study of the language and the culture because in order to get by in that foreign land you had better learn how to communicate, at least on a basic level. You have to succeed at learning and so you do. Improving yourself socially is different in that you have to make yourself go out and improve, you can always say screw it, and stay home that night. You have the option to stay the same socially, one that is much more difficult to choose in the case of moving to another country and not learning the language.
Total immersion would be that complete dedication towards growth in every aspect of your life. However, immersion can be done on a smaller scale and in many cases it would probably work out for the best. Trying to do so much at once is overwhelming for your bad habits but it is also overwhelming for yourself. Improving yourself socially so that you can go out and attract women is a great goal to have and one that will work well for 30 day challenges. Set the goal of going out for 30 days in a row and approaching 5 women. That’s 150 women you will have talked to in a month (read: How to Start a Conversation with Girls), which is not bad at all, but it is unfocused.
A better goal would be more finely tuned. I would suggest that each day you try and set aside an hour or two in which you just read articles about approaching and picking up women as well as books on ego and self-esteem. That way you will prime yourself mentally each day and ingrain what you want to achieve in your head. Secondly, you still go out each night and approach 5 women, but you focus on one thing during each approach and conversation. So, for instance during the first week you would have conversations but focus on have a strong voice and good tonality, to help rid yourself of an underwhelming voice. You would be reading about all of these pick up theories and methods for approaching women but in practice you would focus on one or a few basic things. That first month might be spent breaking down your fear of approaching, learning to start a conversation, and having a strong voice and eye contact. It doesn’t matter if you get with any girls because you are learning the fundamentals of socializing with women and getting comfortable in these environments.
If you want to improve socially or improve any other aspect of your life plan out an initial 30 days of changing your current habits and establishing new ones. They don’t always have to be completely life-altering in a single fell swoop but taking positive steps to change can help to establish a new path in life and help you to get out of a boring rut or whatever sorry state you may find yourself in. Consistency is the key to getting better physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially, so don’t discount something small like saying “Hello” to a girl if you are socially anxious or clueless because that is what will get your foot in the door towards your new life. You are responsible for continuing your growth and advancing to higher levels and greater challenges but focusing yourself for just 30 days can pay untold dividends in the long run. The question is will you make it happen?