It’s funny to me sometimes to think about how so many guys out there think that being attractive to women is a skill that you are simply born with or you’re not. Throughout their own lives, these guys have seen images in the media and within their own lives of guys who the ladies just seem to flock to, meanwhile they’re stuck out in the cold. The reality of the situation is that ‘getting good’ with women is a social skill and like any other aspect of socializing, one can get much better at it with proper practice and direction. If you think about it, all of the things that make a great public speaker or one of those people who seems to make friends wherever they go, are also the things that can attract women. The male/female dynamic, does however, have extra layers to it that go beyond just being social. It requires more depth and understanding of social cues, body language, and what sparks that sexualized attraction. These extra layers are why certain guys, just naturally attract females, even from a young age. They are the good looking guys in school who all of the girls would always swoon over and as a result the guy usually adopted an attitude of indifference and entitlement.
I wanted to cover in this post, why practicing social skills and building a solid foundation to work from is a necessary part of becoming ‘better with women’. Also, to drive home the fact that this is indeed a skill which can be improved upon like any other, and one doesn’t have to accept his current status with the opposite sex as something that is set in stone. While it does certainly take work and change is a part of the process, it can definitely be done.
Do You Really Need Social Skills to Get Women in Your Life?
Yes, but you don’t necessarily need a social life to have women. When I first started my own journey of trying to attract women, I really didn’t know anyone in my city, and as such had to go it alone. Now, I got numbers, sex, girlfriends, and the like but I didn’t have a social circle from which to build from. I did have some modicum of social skills, from moving often when I was a kid and having to make new friends, and that allowed me to present myself in such a way that was attractive.
However, I can tell you that if you are currently living as a loner type, the further along you get into a relationship with a girl, the more that it will come up and be an issue. It’s almost like once they find out you don’t have friends, they no longer believe your confidence and don’t want to be apart of your lifestyle. So, while you don’t need friends to go out and get women, you do need social skills and having a social circle is ultimately beneficial if you want to build actual relationships.
Why Do You Need to Practice Socializing?
The short answer is obviously to get better at it. You must understand that so much of attracting women is reacting to unspoken cues, that you’ll only catch if you have a high level of social awareness. It’s almost like a quarterback in football, trying to read defenses, those who prepare and have lots of experience are going to be successful while the ones who don’t are going to get eaten alive.
Reading books and articles about conversations and how to pick up women can be useful but they are still abstract concepts if not put into practice. A real life situation, teaches you how to think on the fly, how to get over nervousness, recognize social cues, and build up your skill level. Your mind will often make judgments on things it really has little experience with. So, if a guy has bad experiences with girls in high school he will most likely believe that his situation is hopeless as an adult because women ‘won’t like him’.
Getting experience in social situations, allows one who goes into it with an open mind, that not all people are bad, evil, dumb, or whatever. Many times the shallowness you will encounter is merely a social mask or a mechanism to keep a person from having to get close to anyone new and risk getting hurt. Certain environments such as bars and clubs are shallow and more geared toward the physical and material but this doesn’t mean that everyone there lacks depth as a person. To get over preconceived notions about others, first hand experience is required, and a big reason why socialization is key.
A lot of guys when they think about approaching women are not only freaked out by the act of walking over to the lady but also by the fact that they fear how to conduct the ensuing conversation. Look, going to a bar or club by yourself like I did, and forcing yourself to sink or swim can be a good idea for some guys. There were times when it felt absolutely brutal getting rejected but it was something that I felt I needed to go through and it was definitely a period in my life where I learned a great deal.
There are other guys, however, who don’t have the fortitude to currently undertake such a thing. They may try it out but will quickly find any excuse to get out of it, so that they never have to feel that level of awkwardness again. Okay, fine, but these guys still need to practice social skills if they ever want a hope of getting a choice of women. Going through the route of building a social circle and meeting women through that is a great way to go about it but it can definitely take longer and be more difficult. On the flip side, it is probably the best bet out of the two, to really gather social experiences over a longer period of time.
I have personally done both approaches towards meeting women, social circle and straight going out alone to pick up chicks, and I feel that the experiences that I have gotten from both have had an enormous impact on my life overall. I still meet women both ways. If I’m out with a group, the experiences I gained from going out alone, give me the confidence to talk to not just women but anyone around who is outside of my social circle. Meanwhile, interacting with women on a real level, through socializing with them, has allowed me to develop way more empathy, understanding, maturity, and to not be focused on results (getting numbers, sex, whatever) which has led to a more attractive version of myself.
Practicing social skills of any kind really can go a long way towards building yourself up and creating the type of life you want to lead. You can learn some by reading, some by watching, but most of the results come by doing. You can practice your social skills bit by bit and get better at certain aspects of it but it won’t happen if you don’t try. One can start on a very basic level, just by learning to make eye contact and say hello to people. I know that doesn’t seem like much but as your comfort level builds so does your skill level which translates into friends and girlfriends. Yes, it takes time but so does anything else you want to get good at. If you want women in your life, learn to get social!
Here are some further posts that work on specific aspects:
INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK
GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH
$2.99 on Amazon.com (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free
Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.
With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.
If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.