Personal Development

How to Start a Conversation with Girls

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Conversations can be meaningful, boring, insightful, or can produce any type of feeling a human being is capable of experiencing. For the socially awkward or inexperienced, it isn’t just the content of the conversation that gives them the most trouble, rather, it is how to start a conversation in the first place.

For many guys, it is evident that they can speak to people under certain circumstances but they consider themselves clueless on the subject of how to talk to girls. It is often the case that when these guys find themselves at parties or bars and they see an attractive girl, their mind suddenly blanks and they don’t know what to talk about.

The question is what are some things to talk about with girls? Well, the answer is anything. There are infinite topics with which you can converse about with women (obviously, some topics will stir up a hornet’s nest so, don’t be an idiot). In this post, I want to discuss opening a conversation with a woman at a party or club and try to present some guidelines to help you talk to a girl for the first time.

Here are some other potentially helpful posts:

 

Intro

Really quick, I initially wrote this post back in 2013. It’s kind of funny to read it now, to see what my thought processes were on talking to women, at the time. This is a period so closely removed from the college scene, which seems like a distant memory now. Honestly, I have only vague memories of this sort of lifestyle, as things have changed so drastically.

Anyway, I’m going to let it stand, as written because the basics of this post still apply. My whole approach, is way better nowadays, but this is still a solid baseline for inexperienced guys to start. As such, all I’ve done (outside of this intro) is to make the thing more readable. Improved grammar and enhanced the clarity, of what I was talking about.

This is in many ways the forerunner, to my first Kindle book Game without Games, which further breaks down my ‘beginner level’ approach to attracting women. I still maintain, learning ‘what to say’ isn’t all that important, as getting women is more about how you carry yourself in totality.

I also have my online dating ebook, if you need to learn, ‘text game’.

 

The Basics of Talking to Women and Conversational Anxiety

The first thing that you must understand, is that as I stated above, there are an infinite number of ways to start a conversation. Saying hello starts a conversation, as does walking up to a girl and saying, ‘Oh my gawd, you’re so hot.’

The difference between the two, will most likely occur in the outcomes, that each opening produces. Outcome is the surface level problem, that is causing the fear, that makes your mind go blank and your body seize up in anxiety.

Think about it. Your mind has a tendency to visualize success or failure before you start a conversation with a girl. Then your ego rears its ugly head, to prevent you from taking action, and risk the possibility of feeling embarrassed by rejection (I wrote about this in further detail here: Building Self-Confidence with Women).

It takes time to understand fully for yourself. With more experience, it eventually becomes clear, that you will need to ditch your dependence on outcome. Thereafter, simply enjoying the interactions you have, for what they are.

What I mean here is that, when you go into an interaction with a girl and you are trying to achieve some outcome (phone number, make-out, sex); then, there is always going to be a pleasure/pain dynamic set up from the start.

If you get the girl you’re happy, if you don’t it’s a negative reinforcement. Also, your interactions will be more about running game on a girl, than actually exploring to see whether or not you’d actually enjoy spending time with her.

Is that a bad thing? Well, that depends on if your goal is to become a pick-up artist or to simply keep growing as a person. The second option, can still create an abundance of women in your life, as a result.

Okay, I don’t want to get too far off task since we came here to discuss how to start a conversation, but I do think that the no outcome approach is the best bet when you get down to it. My only real ‘goals’ when talking to a girl are expression and exploration, meaning I’m presenting myself with my guard down and trying to find out who she is as a person.

Basically, you are socializing and letting things develop from there. So what does this look like in practice? Let me present a few examples, from my life, to give you an idea.

(Note: When I say opening lines, it means simply the line I opened the conversation with, not a sure fire pick-up line that will get you laid)

Example Conversation Openers Breakdown

Opening #1: “What is this?”

Context: Girl at a bar dancing by herself while her friends talked. She was doing some weird shit with her hands like they were keeping the beat of the song that was playing.

I then followed up with some teasing about how she was off beat and then said something like “This is how you dance” and then pulled her close to start dancing.

Pretty lame, right? Yep, but she was hugged up with me for the rest of the night.

You see? What did I really say that was so suave? Nothing. That’s the point. It’s not so much about what you say as it is how you say it.

There is a certain level of social awareness, that you will gain with more experience that lets you present yourself in the right way, instead of coming off creepy. This is why breaking down your socially conditioned fears and developing confidence is so key. It allows you to relax and be an open and fun-loving guy…which is attractive.

There was no need to ‘hit’ on her or try to game her in any way. Yes, the interaction was filled with flirting and since we were dancing our bodies were close. But, I think a lot of our conversation consisted of music and college majors. Basic shit, just not talked about in a boring way.

Opening #2: “They’re out of alcohol? How are we supposed to get drunk? (Grabs her hand) Follow me we have to find some more!”

Context: Wild college party. I am thirsty and the aforementioned alcohol dispenser (bucket full of PJ) is now empty. A cute girl happens to be there just as I am learning this fact and so I decide to share my disbelief with her. Sounds stupid as hell, I know, but let me break it down.

I noticed her standing there and waiting on me so she could also get a drink. It just so happened that it was now empty. I picked up my cup and looked at it, then at her, and I made a face like I was really sad.

This made her laugh a bit. I then said that opening in a completely playful manner and then led her by the hand to another spot at the party that still had some alcohol. From there it was just keeping the interaction fun and getting to know her.

Notice, I literally said nothing of importance, just something off the cuff that happened to pertain to our situation. I made the fact that we were both thirsty, turn almost into an adventure in itself. I then,  physically led her to where I wanted to go.

In both of the scenarios I have laid out thus far, I quickly got physical with the girl, meaning I expressed myself through touch. Guys have so much trouble with this because they can easily come off like a creep and the girl will feel like she is being groped.

My physicality was simply taking her by the hand. The whole situation was over the top to an extent (alcohol was involved) but it was completely fun and she dug it.

Opening #3: “You’re cute as hell.”

Context: Another house party and I’m with a group of people. My group is having a conversation with some other people while I am off to the side scanning the party. Make brief eye contact with a girl and I get positive body language.

The messed up thing? I start to talk to someone else for a second, instead of going to talk to the girl. I look over again and I get eye contact and a smile. Go time. I actually just walked up and wrapped my hands around her waist to start dancing. It was only after we started dancing that I told her she was ‘cute as hell’.

So in these three examples did I open the conversation with any smooth lines? Nope. I relied on confidence, tonality, and having fun.

Worrying about what line to use is ultimately a waste of time. Why? Because nothing works all of the time, and some girls will simply not like you, for whatever reason.

I’ve told other girls they were cute as hell and got blown off, so it couldn’t be the words that were the problem. It was something about me or something about their moods.

What if I’m not at a club or a party? What if there is a hot girl who sits next to me in class?

Obviously, there is a difference in how you interact, so adjust accordingly. Tone the physicality way down, probably just eliminate it all together. Don’t need to say something like you’re cute as hell or anything like that because if it fails, prepare for an awkward semester.

That’s another difference, the extent of time you have in an environment such as a classroom in which you will see the girl often. Compare this time, to that of a party or a night club, where it could be a few minutes to a few hours of initial interaction.

For this post, I don’t want to focus on these longer scenarios, but for Christ sakes just learn to hold a basic conversation and you should be fine.

Now chances are, you aren’t at the same level of comfort and confidence in these types of social situations, as I am in the above examples. That’s okay, it takes time, and having to experience discomfort for yourself to start to get past it but let’s go over some basic concepts to help bring you up to speed.

Build Up Your Comfort Level

If you’re at the point in your life where you are pretty much clueless socially, you should start with basic conversation and interaction with people in general, not just girls.

It doesn’t have to ever be complex, it could be just walking through the party and acknowledging the other guests.  Something like: “What’s up?” or “How y’all doing tonight?” It doesn’t have to start a conversation but it will help get you comfortable with speaking to other people.

When in a conversation with someone you’ve just met, you’ll recognize that it is pretty much basic protocol, to ask them questions about their lives and what they do. This is a good way to help break the ice but it often is boring and sounds just like an interview.

So you might ask, “What’s your major?” and follow their answer with “What do you want to do with that degree?” and then follow that up with yet another question. Boring as hell.

When I’m talking to a girl and I’m getting to know her through the same type of questions I like to interject my own personality and make the conversation a bit more fun.

For instance, part of the conversation I had with a girl a few weeks ago: (this is from memory, not exactly what I said but you’ll get the gist)

“So what do you do?”

“I go to school at (whatever university).”

“Cool. What are you studying?”

“Math.”

“Wow…so you’re like a complete nerd huh?”

“I’m not a nerd!”

“Yeah right, kids probably beat you up and stuffed you into lockers in high school.”

“You’re just jealous that I’m smart.”

“No, I like that you’re smart, it’s kinda hot. So what do you do when you’re not solving equations?”

The difference in that conversation, versus one that is just a straight line of questioning is that, I tease her and try to make the conversation more fun. So that, she’s more invested into talking to me.

In the other examples I gave, the situation presented itself that I could go right into getting more flirtatious or physically escalating things with a girl.

For the most part, I go to parties or events to have fun, and that is my sole focus. I try to interact with a bunch of different people either male or female, so a lot of the ways to start a conversation will be a more formal, “Hi, nice to meet you.”

Other times conversations will be much more spontaneous, for instance, I was chilling at a party and sitting near a girl whose friend had just come back from the store and brought some weird alcoholic drink back for the girl I was sitting by:

Her: “What is this drink?”

Me: “I don’t know but it sounds awful.” (She hesitated about drinking it) “Go ahead…drink it.”

Her: “This is disgusting.”

Me: “What does it taste like?”

Her: “It’s like….I can’t explain it. Taste it.”

Me: “I don’t want to drink that mess.”

Her: “Just try it.”

Me: “That’s the worst drink, I’ve ever had.”

Her: “I know, it’s terrible.”

I think we riffed on this drink for a few minutes before our conversation transitioned into other topics. It wasn’t scripted or forced just something that stemmed naturally from what was going on at the party.

What if I had just sat next to this girl and then started running game? Probably would have been awkward. However, since there was no pressure on the outcome of the conversation, everything just flowed. Expression and exploration in action.

 

Keep it Fun and the Pressure is Off

Like I’ve already said, squash the expectations and fantasies your brain conjures up when you see an attractive girl. Learn to have fun and keep an interaction, as a basic exploration of, whether or not she is a girl you might actually be interested in.

It is really amazing how quickly you can build a connection with some people, if you simply let go of your ego-induced fears, and let your guard down.

If you open up, people tend to reciprocate, that doesn’t mean go to a party and talk about your life problems. It means being relaxed, self-aware, and have a positive vibe that people want to be around.

The thing about going out with an agenda (to get laid or get numbers) is that everything you do seems more calculated and unnatural. I’ve seen guys who try to run some premeditated game on a girl and it just appears awkward.

I mean, a scripted line or opener can work, but it’s more likely to only if you are a good actor, if not you’ll just be the weird guy at the party.

I remember times I went out a few years back, when I still had the idea I should go out and try to get girls, and sometimes it worked. But, it seems like most of the time it didn’t, and those were the worst nights. I spent an evening out and not only didn’t get a girl but didn’t even have any fun in the process.

When you go out with no expectations or agenda, you can simply have fun and let the opportunities present themselves. Yes, some girls with still be bitchy or blow you off but it doesn’t matter. Just walk away and keep enjoying yourself.

Talking to girls at a party is a whole lot less complicated than people make it out to be. A majority of the issues you face in these situations are caused directly by yourself and your discomfort with socializing.

That is why you need to continually build your confidence and grow as a person, through things like reading to help prime your mind. Also and most importantly, learn through first-hand experience. This will make you more comfortable with expressing yourself and not taking things so seriously. There are many ways to start a conversation with a girl, but memorizing a few lines will not transform you into some kind of mack.

INTRODUCING ATTRACT YOUR DEVELOPMENT’S FIRST EBOOK

GAME WITHOUT GAMES: TRANSCENDING PICKUP ARTISTRY AND PURSUING ATTRACTION THROUGH CONSCIOUS PERSONAL GROWTH 

$3.99 on Amazon.com  (For Kindle) download the Kindle App for Free

 GAMEWITHOUTGAMES

Exploring the world of dating and so-called Pick-up Artistry, through the lens of the mind. Game without Games, from attractyourdevelopment.com, eschews traditional pickup advice and gets down to the core concepts of self including: fear, truth, connection, and desire. Taken from the author’s own personal experience in approaching, attracting, and dating women from age eighteen through his twenties, this book strips away all of the tips and tactics of the PUA community. Instead, this book focuses on personal development and cultivating what the ancient Stoic philosophers referred to as the internal.

With a greater inner strength and by focusing on developing one’s life in totality, attraction occurs naturally by becoming a ‘desirable man’. Game then is about expressing of oneself and exploring who she is, instead of trying to remember lame pick-up lines or tricks and tactics to get laid. Things become natural and flow from the relaxed and confident state of the man. He has control of his mental faculties and thus can accept life and social interactions on his own terms. Not chasing women or putting up with disrespect or other nonsense.

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, in a step by step format…go elsewhere. However, if you want to explore the mental side of game and the letting go of pickup dogma, Game without Game might be the book for you.

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No Fap Challenge Benefits

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I’m all for experimenting with diet, exercise, and different ways of thought or living. Recently, I have been looking into the effects that sexual activity can have on behavior and mood, both of which are directly linked to our brain’s chemical makeup. During, my broad research into this area I started reading more and more about the No-Fap movement, in which guys cease masturbating.

Introduction to NoFap and Its Claimed Benefits

The more I read, the more the benefits of following such a program became interesting to me. A no-fap challenge, lasts for a certain amount of time (usually 30-90 days), and is designed to help break men’s addiction to pornography and help to experience positive changes in mood and energy levels.

Now, some of the claims that guys who have gone through the no-fap challenge are pretty impressive. I think that the most interesting things I have read involve how these guys report that other people have started to treat them differently since they have gone no-fap.

They report being treated more respectfully by other men and say that women are more apt to notice them and even go out of their way to introduce themselves to these guys.

Guys also report that they feel much more confident and calm in their daily lives as well as being more driven to accomplish things (see: How to Get Ripped Abs) and focused.

While the claims are interesting, it is difficult to hone in on what is the exact cause in these hundreds of testimonials, attesting to the benefits of no-fap.

There certainly seems to be a placebo effect. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if guys think that no-fap is going to work wonders, then they are more likely to take action. Thus, interesting life outcomes, sort of become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Also,  the extent that no-fap would work would also seem to depend on whether the man undertaking it was more heavily a porn addict or it was just a guy who didn’t really ever watch and just decided to give up fapping.

That seems to be something that people conflate. There are guys who overcome a severe pornography addiction, while on NoFap. They are obviously, more likely to see greater changes to their moods and lifestyles, versus guys who are non-addicts.

Note: I am updating this post, some six years later. Geez, this whole NoFap thing really took off, but I’ve done further experimentation with it since the initial writing. So, I think I can add some further clarity to the topic of benefits, and just NoFap as a whole. 

 

The Problem with Porn and Addiction

Watching high-speed internet pornography, has been pinpointed as a cause for many issues that men can face including lack of motivation, addictive behaviors, sexual dysfunctions such as ED, and a general malaise or depressed state of mind.

The science on its effects on the brain, doesn’t appear to be ‘all in’ at this point in time, but it does appear to be the case at least anecdotally that giving up pornography is very beneficial for many guys.

There is some research that points to porn damaging dopamine receptors in the brain and thus effecting mood and behavior. If true, this would explain why men who refrain from watching these videos, can report such dramatic results in their quality of life.

What if you’re aren’t addicted to porn or are only using your imagination? Would no-fap even benefit you, then?

If dopamine receptors do indeed become damaged and the repairing of the receptors will be where the true benefits lie, should you follow such a program?

Another question that arises is, what kind of pornography has negative side effects or does it really matter at all? 

It’s difficult to gauge the right answer to these questions, here is a TED Talk video that goes further into the role of pornography and its effects on the brain:

 

I find that the argument against porn to be fairly convincing, maybe the science isn’t totally 100% on it yet, but there does seem to be plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that there is indeed something to it.

However, there still is the question of whether it is not fapping, that is producing the major results or if it is the breaking of an addiction?

Perhaps some guys, face both issues: chronic fapping and porn addiction. Two addictions, working in conjunction. Meanwhile, for other guys, the porn is the issue.

For a man, who wants to ‘repair the dopamine receptors’ and doesn’t chronically masturbate, what issue would there be doing so without watching streaming porn?

If the actual goal is to solely quit porn, wouldn’t it be easier, to get a release that way? Instead of trying to go ‘x’ number or days without busting a nut?

Things to ponder, before deciding what path to follow for yourself.

 

The Positive Benefits of No-Fap?

  1. Testosterone Gains?

Refraining from fapping has been a technique that has been around for centuries for cultural or religious reasons. Many times, there is the prevalent idea that your seed is your life force and fapping drains you of it.

It is an interesting concept, but again, it’s a question of scientific validity of such an idea. While there isn’t a measurement of ‘life force loss’, there are studies that suggest increases in testosterone levels by refraining from ‘spilling the seed’.

It has been reported that refraining increases testosterone levels to a peak of 147% on the 7th day and still slightly increased levels for a few days afterward.

This is what I wanted to try out for myself. Using a once every 7-9 days schedule for the past month or so has seen pretty great results for me in terms of energy levels. (Update: Done this many times over the years, with similar results. There’s something to this.)

My testosterone definitely appears to be spiking just like it has been reported to do so. I feel crazy energetic and motivated to work out and accomplish other goals that I have set for myself, more so than usual.

The sixth and seventh days are always the toughest. It takes some work to focus your excess energy, into something non-sexual, but I notice that I can get past such temptations fairly easily now.

I also feel stronger on the days later in the week and have noticeably more endurance. This schedule feels pretty optimal for me, personally. I’ve done the 30-60 day NoFap and I can’t say it yielded any additional benefits, in this area.

 

2. Incentive to Talk to Women

If you’re not fapping, then the only way you get to release, is through: regular sex and uncontrollable nocturnal emissions.

A 30-90 day NoFap program, would definitely be an incentive to go out and talk to women. Because it’s going to be a rough go, without them.

However, some guys decide to just forego sex, also.

For guys who are nervous to talk to chicks and/or guys who are just incompetent at doing so…I can see why this would be helpful. It puts their back against the wall, so to speak, and they have a drive to succeed.

For me, it didn’t help me be any better at talking to women. I’d already done my whole approaching women thing, way before NoFap. As such, there was nothing to get over.

It did, however, make me want sex constantly. I don’t really consider that much of a benefit. You can make some poor decisions, with a full nut, and no release.

If you do have problems with the ladies, here are my two Kindle books written on the subject, to get way better at it.: Game without Games and Online Dating Guide for Men

 

3. Free time

Think about it, three times per week for an hour long fap session, is the equivalent to taking a college course.

How much free time are you wasting by fapping your life away? 12 hours a month? More? It adds up quick.

You could learn a new skill or a new language, instead of beating your meat, to pixels on a screen.

 

4. Voice Deepening

Some guys report their voices getting deeper and stabilizing. Maybe this is a function of the testosterone?

I never personally experienced this. My voice is already pretty deep, so I can’t really image, it dropping further.

 

5. Enhanced mood, desire, etc.

OK, this one is a mixed bag. Some days during a 30-60 NoFap challenge, your mood is high. Then, it can be low as hell.

Same with desire. You get those manic periods of wanting to bang everything, versus not wanting anything at all.

So, I’ve done this 30-60 day period a few times in the past, and my mood isn’t always ‘enhanced’. Far from it.

Yes, I can get that ‘testosterone boost’, and be doing work for that initial 7-10 days. Then, the effect is lessened. I’m also much more irritated and impulsive.

I’ve come down on the side of, just shoot a load, when needed. Don’t watch porn (at all, if possible) or jerk off everyday, but not doing so for 30-60 really didn’t make my life better.

Again, lots of other guys have gotten results. I think that this has to do with me, already letting go of my issues, through a non-dual approach.

 

6. Better Sex

Guys who give up porn and/or fapping, report increased sensitivity down below. Also, curing ED and/or the inability to finish during intercourse.

The sensitivity is definitely there, big time. Is the sex better? It’s sort of like giving a dehydrated person water, the experience of complete lack, makes the water taste amazing that first drink.

Same thing, after not having sex or shooting a load, for a long time. The sensation is better. However, control after a week of not cumming, is non-existent.

The short-term, it makes you a two pump chump. However, once porn is quit, it does make sex seem better…whether or not masturbation still takes place.

 

7. Re-humanizing women and the heightening experience of reality.

This only really applies to guys who are porn addicts. But that stuff, definitely does seem to mess with your head, and  you have less empathy towards women at least on some level.

Getting back to reality and working on yourself will yield actual results while staying in that fantasy land will only serve to hinder you. Plus, real women are much more attractive, once the digital illusion is gone.

 

Final Thoughts

The idea of no-fap is definitely interesting and can be beneficial but the results are going to completely depend on the individual.

I think guys who have pornography addictions are the ones who should definitely consider doing a 90 day challenge, just because of the sheer number of positive stories of men who have had similar problems helped by doing such a challenge.

If you don’t have a porn addiction, should you try a challenge? Maybe. It might be interesting, to see what kind of effects it can have on you, physically and psychologically. But then again, the results might be tepid.

Doing a 30 day challenge, followed by a once a week schedule, could see benefits. I like the every 7-10 days schedule, that I’ve been using in the past, as I get plenty of noticeable results in the short-term.

I definitely want to be around women, a lot more, which only serves to increase opportunities with them. There are times, when I don’t want that in my life, and so may throw in a couple extra sessions to not be distracted by sex.

Before I started that, I tested by fapping 4-5 days in a row with porn, to see if there would be a difference. I definitely felt like complete shit during those days. Energy was way down and I had zero motivation. I’ve repeated this test multiple times (haha, it’s a fun test to run), and the same thing happens, each time.

I don’t know how some guys live like that. Even such a short time frame, was too much for me. Porn is increasingly just becoming completely lame, much like strip clubs. Both feel pointless when you see through the illusion and addiction.

If that’s you current life’s experience, you will probably see benefits with NoFap. Is it going to change everything? No, but it can help put you on a better path. Then, with a clear mind, you can work on any other issues.

My own experiences, tell me all I need to know about, what kind of effects this kind of stuff has on the brain. Going without for longer periods of time, frees up the mind from the realm of fantasy. It puts your focus square on reality, which is leveraged in the right way, may be all the benefit you need in your life.

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Can You Become Enlightened without Meditation?

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The concept of enlightenment has become so bogged down in so many different theories, practices, and ideas that it’s almost become pointless to use. It can conjure up images of some peaceful man from the far east who has transcended all of the world’s problems, who meditates for hours a day, and generally never suffers from the usual things that people have problems with. Then, people begin to think, “Well, he is meditating, that must be the secret to become enlightened.” When in fact, the awakening or seeing through the illusion of the separate self, has nothing really to do with meditation as such. Meditation is merely a tool to help one along the path.

 

Do You Need to Meditate to Become Awakened?

Theoretically, no. However, meditation is a very useful tool that can be used to quiet the mind just enough to start to question the concept of the ‘I’. You don’t need to meditate to start to see through the illusion of the separate self, but it certainly can help.

I meditate almost everyday, as it helps me to shrug off any conditioning that may be starting to creep up from having to interact with society as a whole. In the early stages of my change, I found it more necessary to meditate everyday, and sometimes multiple times each day.

The reason for this was that I had a difficult time quieting the mind enough so that I could do inquiry into figuring out what was ‘real’ and what wasn’t. Also, I had several really amazing feeling experiences through meditation. These blissful experiences that would last for a week or so, acted sort of like a drug or an end result, that I would continually chase. If I got there through meditation, I wanted to do more and more, to get back to feeling that way. Hence, I was resisting the moment as it is, and trying to get somewhere (blissful state), when I should have just let go and allowed whatever was arising to arise on its own (whether it felt good, bad, or neutral…which are also just judgments).

 

Should You Still Meditate, Then?

That’s up to each individual. It’s still good for the stress of interacting with the modern world, which is definitely controlled more by the egoic mind. Like reading books or listening to talks, meditation can help point you in the right direction but it will ultimately come down to the individual surrendering to each moment as it arises. Meditation is a very good way to get in touch with the now and as such will be a good idea for most people to use, at least for a while. I have noticed that I can slip into the now or a state of no thought, almost automatically at this point. I can also choose to play ‘my character’ and go through each day within society, as that role requires of me, and like a costume I can slip it off without any real identification of it as ‘who I am’.

I certainly stay away from meditation as a religious pursuit or in order to become more spiritual, whatever that means. Lighting candles or going through some ceremony, just seems pointless and like a lot of window dressing for nothing. I don’t need to become a monk, buy power crystals, follow a guru, or anything else along those lines. That path leads to too much doctrine and its own cottage industry to keep you chasing some vague notion of enlightenment. Everything is right here in this moment, as it needs to be, your job is to simply recognize it.

 

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Fluenz French Level 1 Language Software Review

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During their Black Friday Sale, I purchased the complete course of Fluenz French, which encompasses five levels worth of lessons. This allowed me to grab the program at the discounted $278 price, which naturally helped to make sure that I will actually stick with the learning, since I have some cost to actually doing so. Did I just all of the sudden want to learn how to speak French? No, I had been doing the free program on Duolingo for a month or so, when I broke my laptop with the functional microphone and never got it replaced to continue. Despite the price difference between the two programs, I actually prefer the Fluenz method to this point, and feel that I am retaining much more of the information that I learn. In this post, I want to give a basic overview of my experiences thus far with Level 1 of Fluenz.

 

Why Learn a Foreign Language?

In both high school and college, I took Spanish as my foreign language elective. I spent thousands of dollars to get the credits in Spanish and ultimately my degree, yet I speak and comprehend almost none of it. That is from a combination of lack of use, practice, and the fact that I don’t think the typical classroom environment is very conducive towards learning a new language. The opportunity cost of those classes were pretty damn high, considering I have retained very little. I didn’t want to jump right back into Spanish, so, I thought that’d French would be a nice change of pace.

Also, needed the structure and ease of access that is presented by an online or desktop program that is professionally done like Fluenz is. I also feel that I will usually get through learning something, if I pay for it. For example, I wanted to learn accounting, so I’ve been doing online classes. Yes, I’ve read general accounting and finance books to supplement my education, but I also know that I probably won’t work my way through problem sets unless I have paid into, have a structure, and will derive some future benefit from it (higher salaries, graduate degree, etc.).


 

The Program

The complete Fluenz French program is split up into 5 Levels. These five levels are further broken up into 30 individual daily lessons which build upon each other and present a new aspect of the language. Now, you can also buy each level separately but I just went ahead and picked up the entire series to save some cash…so, I’ll have a busy 4-5 months of Fluenz it seems.

What I especially like so far about this program is how useful it is for someone looking to travel. You learn how to conjugate verbs and structure sentences while picking up useful phrases and commands for ordering in a cafe (lessons 1-7 in Level 1). You don’t get taught things like the alphabet and numbers right from the start, it is much more practical for eventual use within the real world. Ordering food, asking questions, getting to where you need to go, etc.

Each lesson starts with an introduction video with a presenter. In Level 1, it is Fluenz co-founder Sonia Gil, who is walking you through things. This is usually only a minute or so long before you get into that lesson’s conversation. It’s mostly just to present the topic for the day and offer encouragement.

There is then the conversation which is done by actual native French speakers, who provide the voice acting for the particular situation. This can be anything from talking to a cab driver to shopping at the store or order from a restaurant. I run through this conversation 3 times, as is recommended by Fluenz. That way you get to see the conversation text with translation, without translation, and then just listening to the conversation audio. Keep in mind that learning this conversation is important, as you will encounter many phrases and indeed the conversation later in the workouts.

After the conversation, you go back to Sonia where she explains in detail what you’ve just listened to. She breaks down what was said, what words mean, pronunciation, and introduces any new vocabulary.

The next workout presents a list of new vocab words for auditory practice. The words are presented individually which is great for hearing exactly how a word is supposed to be pronounced and then repeating it aloud to yourself.

Then comes the first matching exercise, where you match the French phrase with its English translation. There is also a vocab matching section, in which you match each French word with it’s photographic representation.

Fluenz also includes plenty of writing, which is actually a good thing because you actually get to learn how to structure sentences. Not only that, it is very helpful to see the differences in spelling between two different words that can sound quite alike when listening to a conversation. There is plenty of repetition but I find it helpful to really help drill the language into my head.

Beyond the normal lessons, there are also flashcards and two sets of podcasts, one reviewing pronunciation and the other comprehension. These are very good ways to review the material, as each covers different aspects of the lessons and provide further insight into the language.

So far, I have to say that I really enjoy using Fluenz to learn a new language. Everything seems much easier to conceptualize and remember than when I was learning Spanish in the classroom. I’m actually retaining much more information than I did in that setting. Now, I still have to finish Level 1 and get through 2-5 as well, but I feel very inclined to stick with it and see this one through to the end.

 

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Using 5-HTP for Mood and Mindfulness Enhancement

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I have known about 5-HTP as a mood enhancing supplement for a long time now but had never gotten around to trying it. Three weeks or so ago, it popped into my head and I picked up a bottle of Nature’s Way 5-HTP at CVS, in order to give it a try and see how it would work for me. I wanted to write up a quick report or review of my experiences using this supplement and provide detail on any benefits I’ve noticed (if any) while using it.

Here’s the Wikipedia description of 5-HTP for some context as to what it is: 5-Hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP), also known as oxitriptan (INN), is a naturally occurring amino acid and chemical precursor as well as a metabolic intermediate in the biosynthesis of the neurotransmitters serotonin and melatonin from tryptophan.

My 5-HTP Experiences

I wanted to do a comparison of taking 5-HTP vs not taking anything vs ingesting caffeine through coffee or energy drinks, in the morning. I figured this way I would get a noticeable variance of moods and mental states that was different each day. A few days of each could accentuate the effects and establish a more noticeable pattern, in my opinion.

Obviously, the effects of caffeine are highly noticeable to me. While it does provide that energetic feeling, I find myself much more impulsive and often unable to focus on work or reading. It actually takes more effort for me to want to do things or to have the concentration to do anything efficiently. On low doses of caffeine, it’s much more manageable but with energy drinks that have 150+ mg of the stuff, it’s a constant battle.

The days that I don’t take anything, I am much more rational than when on caffeine. The problem is that I need to ween off of the caffeine for a day, so that I don’t experience any withdrawals that will make me feel completely drained for another day after quitting. My mood is quite baseline during this time period. Some days, it is elevated and I’m quite social. Other times, I feel completely stifled. Of course, I don’t identify with these positive or negative stories about myself, and while I do still experience some of the low energy moods associated with depression…I haven’t been ‘depressed’ in like 6 years now. That’s the power that meditation, philosophy, and mindfulness has had on my life. I still have days where my brain doesn’t seem to have the right chemical mix or whatever but it doesn’t send me into a tailspin. I can just sit back and be aware of my experience.

The first time I took 5-HTP, I started with half a pill, just in case there was any adverse reaction to it. Normally, side effects can include gastrointestinal upset, but these specific pills are coated to help prevent any of that. I didn’t notice anything with the first half a pill dose, either positive or negative. Now, the bottle says to take 2 or 3 pills with food but honestly 3 probably overkill and unnecessary (at least for me). I should also note that this particular brand also contains vitamins B6 and C, which is supposed to help with the production of serotonin. I don’t know the validity of these claims or how this may react with other things people may be taking, I can only speak for myself and the effects it has on me personally. I will say that I do avoid taking in more vitamin B6 through things like energy drinks or other sources.

The second day, I upped the dose to one pill and that’s when things got interesting. About 45-60 minutes after taking the pill, I started to feel really positive about things. It was like a sense of joy for just being alive. I can only relate it to being completely present to the moment, such as how I feel after a meditation session, except that I didn’t need to do anything…I just was already in the perfect mood. This feeling lasted for the rest of the day and while I slept, I seemed to have really vivid dreams throughout the night. Awesome!

The next day, I boosted it up to 1.5 pills and got a similar result in terms of amazing mood, etc. No side effects had occurred at all and I was extremely impressed by how well this elevated my baseline mood level. I felt no anxiety. I felt really social and I wanted to be around other people all day long. There was no stifling of my personality and work wise I never felt distracted or unable to get things done efficiently.

After this initial test run, I went back through a cycle of caffeine days, and days where I took nothing. Again, I experienced the usual caffeine craziness, but on my all-natural days I felt normal to slightly above average during that three day span.

When I started taking the 5-HTP again, the results were still mostly positive. Most of the days I simply felt relaxed but not super upbeat. On these days, it was just calmly observing the world around me, and staying in the moment. A few of the other days, I again experienced the super positive moods, where the world just seemed bright and amazing. Then, on other days, I noticed absolutely no difference in my mood after taking the pills. On some of those days, my mood was low, and there was no elevation from the 5-HTP.

Overall Impression

5-HTP has been a really great supplement for me thus far. I’ve taken other supplements in the past that have had no effect on me, despite their claims, but this one does amp up the serotonin and give me a positive mood enhancement.

Now, sometimes, this is a huge and noticeable difference. Other times, it is only slightly above average. Finally, there are days where it does nothing at all. I try to cycle on and off of it to help prevent it from losing its potency by adaptation. I will say that, it does have a beneficial effect 80+% of the time for me and no effect the rest of the time. I have experienced no negative side effects during my use.

None of this is to say that others will have the same experiences as me on 5-HTP and it is obviously not for everyone. I can’t advise the reader as to whether or not they should take it or what side effects or interactions it may have with any meds you might be taking. I can only share my experiences with this product.

 

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How to Read More Books

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I used to read a lot of books back when I was an elementary school student. Almost every weekend, my mother would take me to the local library and I’d pick out a new stack of random stuff to read. However, this habit began to tail off towards middle school and completely evaporated until my senior year of high school, when I started reading again on a regular basis. In the ensuing 11 years or so, I have probably read something everyday, whether it be at least a few pages of a book or some lengthy article and in the process made my way through hundreds (if not, over a thousand) of books. Whenever I divulge my reading habits to people in my personal life, I usually get asked not only what I read but how I manage to find the time to read…and how they can, “Read more books” or even, “read a book a day”. Well, with that in mind let’s see if we can’t tackle this issue for all you current non-readers out there.

 

Decide What You Want to Read

The simple advice is to just grab a book and get to it. The problem with that method is that most people don’t have the patience or mental muscles developed in order to just hop right into a regular reading program. People get bored, they get lazy, and they don’t know how to counteract these effects. In a very real sense, boredom arises when you’d rather be somewhere else than in the present moment. If you don’t want to be reading because you’re bored while reading, how are you going to make it a habit that sticks?

As such, I would recommend that you start by choosing a topic that you actually are interested in and reading about that. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, this phase is simply about establishing the habit of reading on a daily basis. You can read books on sports, sex, humor…whatever it may be that can keep your attention for at least a while. Once you’ve developed the reading habit, you can move on to more academic works.

OK, once you have your topic selected, go to Amazon.com and open an account if you don’t already have one (it’s free). Then search in the books category for your topic. Find popular books, one’s that look interesting, or have lots of positive reviews…use the button at the top of the page to add books to your wish list…there will be a big button that says ‘add to list’. Find 10 books to put on your list, that look interesting enough to read.

There you go, now you know exactly what to read. We still need to solve the how aspect of the equation but at least we have a list to work from. The beauty of creating lists on Amazon, is that it not only gives you a clear path of what to read but also suggests books for you to read in the future, thus creating a self-fulfilling cycle.

Find the Books

Obviously, the easiest way to get started is to order the books off of Amazon, especially in Kindle format as you can get started right away. Not only that, the Kindle app can be downloaded on any mobile device which will allow you to steal more reading time, wherever you might be…you can always carry a book with you.

Now, money might be a concern for some people reading this. I don’t really give myself a budget for reading, like I do with other expenditures in my life, as I consider it an ongoing investment. If I never started my reading habit, I wouldn’t have anything in my life that I currently have…from my life’s perspective to my income. BUT since you might not have the means or the same philosophy, we can either finds used copies on Amazon for cheap or hit up your local library.

One cool method is that if you live close to a university, you can usually donate a small fee to them each year and check out as many books as you like, just as if you were a student there. University libraries are generally the best since they will usually have a better selection than some local city or county branch.

Forming the Habit

Once you’ve gotten at least one of these books in your possession, let’s get crackin’. Developing a habit is like weight lifting, in that, if you overburden yourself right off the bat, you’ll probably stop doing it. Don’t go for volume right off the bat, just get over the hurdle of stringing together consecutive days.

How much time you spending reading each day at first, depends on your schedule and attention span obviously. Break things down as far as you need to take them…if you can only do 10 minutes, then do those 10 minutes to the best of your ability. Shut off everything else and pour your focus onto the book for 10 minutes and then be done for the day. Do this for a week, then the next week, bump things up to 20 minutes…break it up into two 10 minutes sessions if you must.

Yes, if you’re at this very low level of attention span currently, you aren’t going to read very much in terms of volume those first weeks. However, you are making this daily reading time quite routine and easily expandable. Each week bump it up to more time, splitting it into one longer session or multiple reading times, until you hit your key number for the week.

If you can read 50 pages on average in an hour (depends wholly on the book, some books require lots of attention and may only get through 30 pages in an hour) and you read an hour each day, then you should average roughly a 350 page book per week. That’s a pretty damn good number to hit.

Remember when I wrote that you can download the Kindle app on any device? Yeah, well, do that. If the book you’re reading is a physical copy, then try to take that with you where ever you go each day. It’s just much more convenient to pick up your phone or other device and read, then carrying around an actual book. Now, whenever you get a moment throughout the day, pick up a book and start reading. Lunch break? Read some pages. Standing in line? Read some pages!

I used to download free audio books from librivox.org (they only have books that are in the public domain and no longer in copyright) and listen to these books while walking to class, sitting at my desk at work and while on the treadmill. Audio books like these are a great way to get through a ton of books fast, as you can speed up the playback to 1.5-1.7x and still absorb all of the information. When I was doing this, I could sometimes add up to 3-4 audio books a week to the two or three I’d still read each week. Yes, I was at a book a day for months, years back…that was a crazy growth period.

These little moments you can read 1-2 pages start to add up and can add multiple books a year to your total and instill the reading habit within you.

Reading 100 books each year

To read 100 books per year, you will have to read 2 books per week, which is doable. Last week, I read a book on Financial Statements and Waking Up by Sam Harris and The Empty Boat by Osho. Now, those aren’t the only three books that I read from, just the three that I finished completely. All told those three were probably 700-800 pages total in length. I probably was reading 2-3 hours each day on average.

Continuing that pace, 100 books each year should be no problem for many people. Keep in mind though, that the total number doesn’t matter. You can probably fly through tons of short novels or get bogged down in a philosophy or history text for a longer period of time. Either option may be a worthwhile endeavor but may produce huge differences in the ‘number of books read’ and the usefulness of the information obtained. Reading for education is a different animal than reading for pleasure.

So, how you read 100 books in a year is to simply ratchet up the reading to somewhere between 2-4 hours a day. If you can stay on the same topic for an entire year, you’ll be one well educated mofo. Also, try utilizing the audio book habit I’ve already described, it’s an easy way to get through the classics of the world while going about your day.

How to Read More than One Book at Once

Reading more than one book at the same time isn’t really all that difficult. In fact, it’s my preferred method for getting through my list. My mind can jump all over the place in terms of its interests, so reading only one book straight through doesn’t conform to how my brain works. If your brain can focus straight through, then it might be optimal for you to take it one by one and ignore trying to read multiple books.

Now, what I do, is to always have multiple books on different subjects to choose from. This keeps me from getting confused and mixing concepts up. For instance, as I mentioned above, I read a book on financial statements last week. This is a part of my effort to learn in depth about accounting, finance, real estate, etc. BUT of course, my brain is all over the place and would get extensively bored/drained reading about that stuff one after another without any counterweight.

So, each week I am reading at least one book on finance (sometimes two) and at least one book on any other topic that may interest me. So far, it’s been meditation/philosophy, novels, history. I read from two separate books each day and actually do still manage to get plenty of reading done. Since the finance can be really number intensive and I’m terrible with math, the other topic I’m reading gives my brain a break, and actually feels much more refreshing than having to study.

OK, so this has given you a simple overview of how to read more books each year. I find that it’s best if you have some kind of list to work from and then just slowly add more reading time each day or other random books. Once you’ve gotten the habit of reading down, you can add as much intensity as you want to. There have been times, I was reading a book each day with the supplement of audio books while at work or the gym.There was also a time (when I was unemployed and in school) where I’d read 6-8+ hours each day. These times were very beneficial but I always needed to cycle off of that schedule after a few months. Your brain will need a break and it is actually more beneficial to just pull things way back and not try to have an insane pace…plus, you might want to have an actual life at some point too.

 

 

How to Have a Spiritual Experience

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There is this popular idea within culture that sometimes people must undergo some sort of enlightening experience or a so called spiritual awakening. Some people seek to do this with drugs while others want to discover a process that can be followed without drugs to reach some ultimate enlightenment. In either case, they want to fully encounter all of the blissful symptoms and keen awareness that is supposed to come along with such an experience. So the question begs, how does one have a spiritual awakening? How do we reach enlightenment? I want to use this post to touch a bit on this topic using my own experiences and ideas.

 

Why Do You Need a Spiritual Awakening?

We have all undoubtedly heard stories of those who have had some sort of awakening experience or have reached an enlightened state of being, suddenly. However, what we also tend not to hear about is that a sudden and overwhelming experience is not necessary to go through, and often times it can be short lived.

I, personally, have felt short term experiences which allowed me to feel as if I was in a state of bliss (that’s the best word to describe it). All of them lasted a week or less and were ‘achieved’ without drugs. While these experiences felt important at the time, and allowed me to dig deeper into trying to crack the code of making that feeling permanent, they weren’t necessary to experience the truth of each moment.

What do we need to awaken to? This is the question I want to ask to you. If we assume that we need to experience profound and almost drug-like experience, in order to become enlightened or feel at peace or whatever. Then, we have set a goal that we must work to reach. We have to undergo a process of becoming something or learning how to trigger the experience that we wish to feel. As spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle and Nirmala are fond of asking in their own ways, “Is there something wrong with this moment?”

Why are we chasing the experience itself instead of becoming centered with the moment and allowing it to be as it is? Are we simply in love with the process of working towards it? Do we just want to experience the symptoms of an awakening and escape the seemingly mundane tasks of everyday life?

When we put forth the goal of achieving spiritual enlightenment, it immediately sends this achievement off into the future. Who knows whether or not we can ever reach this lofty ideal BUT it does take our awareness off of the present moment. This creates the thought that we cannot achieve some inner peace or stillness until that unknown date in the future. The reality of our experiences is set in this moment and this is how you get to some understanding of what is true.

Seems boring, right? What if you’re looking around and you don’t see anything going on around you? Or what if you’re looking around at a busy street and seeing everyone moving rapidly and lost in their own thoughts? Our mental conditioning wants something to happen, we want to be stimulated, and have some completely divine experience. It doesn’t always work out that way, and it is more of an allowing of things to be, rather than trying to force something memorable to occur.

Besides, in wanting a memorable experience, what are we really after? An actual transformation or something that is more ethereal and overwhelming? Do we want a memory of our spiritual transformation, which we can play back again and again in our minds as if it were a favorite film? Memories are highly edited versions of what has occurred (or what we think has occurred) in the past and each time that you play back the memory, it may get further and further from the truth of the experience.

Each successive moment is another opportunity to get sucked back into our conditioning and lose touch with awareness. That isn’t to say that our awareness or our being ever disappears, but we can become almost unconscious to its presence at times.  As such, each moment is also an opportunity to increase our awareness and get in touch with the truth.

Getting in touch doesn’t need to be going into some deep meditative trance, rather, it can simply be an awareness of any sensory inputs, emotions, thoughts, or any other feelings one may be having in the moment. The goal isn’t to become free of thought or free of emotions but instead allow them to be, observe and bring awareness to them, and ultimately let them go.

For example, if a feeling of anger arises do not become identified with that feeling as if it is you. Allow the anger to be, feel it, and question what that feeling is? Why did it arise? Is what triggered this feeling, actually a big deal? Is it simply a reaction of the ego? Does this rage ultimately matter? It does not, it is just passing through, and the anger can only set up camp in your mind/body if you let it.

Living in the Ether versus the Real World

Just because we have an awakening, doesn’t mean we can neglect the reality of our life situation. Could you imagine what would happen if everyone went and lived the life of a monk? What would get done? How would society function? Would people have to abstain from sex, in order to meet some ascetic ideal? Would that be the end of the species?

It is simply not practical for our survival, to sit around meditating and chanting all day, in order to reach some enlightened realm. I also feel, that this  scenario or something equally nonsensical like people expecting to become awakened and have some super powers as a result, just isn’t realistic. Food still has to be grown, life still has to be created, and jobs still need to be done in order to keep everything running in our society. Enlightenment isn’t some woo-woo esoteric type of thing, which requires you to purchase endless training and ‘power crystals’.

The ‘truth’ as so far as it lies in each moment is gained by bringing our awareness to each moment. Sometimes, this process is effortless, it just happens while you’re in sort of a flow state. Other times, your senses are overwhelmed with the massive information influx of your day to day life and it takes a concerted effort to peel back the layers of noise and allowing your awareness of each moment to take over. We can get caught up in the extremes of life but becoming aware and present is the way to snap back towards the center of experience.

 

Emptiness, Being, and Nihilism

Also note that, this process can be scary for some people because it rids them of their identity and makes them recognize that they are not truly their bodies, their job titles, their family names, etc. and instead are fundamentally an awareness. Delving into each moment in this way, can make it seem as if the world/your mind is truly empty, which can lead some down the path of nihilism or avoidance of experiencing these moments all together.

That’s a short-sighted approach to take, I’ve learned. Just because you search for the ‘truth’ or some meaning you can prescribe to human experience and all you find instead is an empty ‘awareness’ doesn’t mean that it was a fruitless journey. That emptiness contains nothing yet it is still something, its a space that is fundamental to the universe as a whole, which is rather beautiful in a way and speaks to a oneness that connects everything.

If this direct sensory experience is all we currently have, then why not make it as fun and enjoyable as possible? Accepting the moment doesn’t mean you have to accept life as it currently is…life is always fundamentally changing, so it never is the same in the first place. Things may not be ideal and the ideal is never what we expect it to be but we can still bring our awareness to the moment, give it space to be, even when the moment isn’t what we currently want to be doing.

How to Become Present

Allowing yourself to become present to the moment is a matter of allowing your awareness to be focused upon the moment. An easy way to begin is through the use of your physical senses first, before moving on to thoughts. The world around you is processed as information through your various nerve endings and into your brain. Pay attention to this information. Thought can often get muddled together with this information because of our past interpretations of the information which our senses brought in. A thought or memory can then be replayed, and seem as if it is real, even though it is simply a concoction of old data we’ve collected about the world.

What do you see around you? You don’t need to label it or make any judgments about it, just observe the visual sensations that your eyes are taking in.  Recognize that even when the room appears to be stagnant, things are constantly changing on a molecular level and in each passing moment, the room is fundamentally not the same as it previously was. Our eyes aren’t so finely tuned as to be able to pick up changes on the molecular or atomic levels or even with certain changes in the light.

Sound is another experience which we can bring our attention to next. It can be one of the most distracting of the senses and for that reason is why so many like to meditate in a silent room or with some background music, so that they are able to focus and not be constantly distracted by jarring noises. Becoming aware and present to the moment doesn’t require specialized auditory conditions. In fact, simply surrendering to the various sounds and noises of your environment is often enough to become present to the moment.

Through the use of tools such as meditation, we can simply allow the moment to be as it is, and develop a greater and greater skill at allowing this to happen until it becomes almost effortless. The mind is full of chatter and beginning meditation practitioners may notice that it takes them a long time into their session to stop getting sucked into each thought as it comes about. That’s okay, it still happens to me too, the key is to stick with it and allow that silent awareness to come into focus.

 

 

Shifting awareness levels

A favorite thought experiment of mine has been to view my experience with the world as being sort of like a microscope. I can magnify my attention and awareness on certain things or I can zoom out or indeed even back away from the microscope completely. Being in a highly magnified state, so to speak, can be great for working on an individual project but it can also easily become a negative when we begin to identify with our thoughts or become completely egoic or lose ourselves from the bigger picture of our lives.

On the flip side, stepping away from the microscope and taking on a ‘universal’ perspective can be great for becoming aware of the ‘oneness’ of life and how small we are as individuals compared to the larger configuration BUT it isn’t so good for tackling practical day to day matters…which are a fact of our modern lives. The ‘spiritual awakening’ which many people have experienced occurs on this level of thought and like so many other things can become addicting to want to stay on this level constantly. However, time still marches forward and as a practical matter, it isn’t always beneficial to stay at this level of awareness.

We still have biological and societal needs that are required for keeping the human experience going. One doesn’t have to take our daily tasks as a super serious affair, rather, we can allow ourselves to experience each successive moment without labeling it our creating an overall narrative about it. Whether a man works in an office or on an oil rig, he can do the physical and mental tasks which his life circumstances currently require, without creating an identity around it and putting it all aside when the tasks are complete.

I have found that in my own life, there needs to be some sort of balance between the interplay of my societal tasks/duties, my biological underpinnings, and having the conscious awareness to recognize the shortness of it all. It’s this balancing act that has made my life so much more enjoyable over the past 5-6 years. I’m not stuck in the pure societal mindset that had me feeling lost, depressed, unable to enjoy my work, etc. I’m not falling into the pure biological either, though I still enjoy sex, food, and the like…it doesn’t keep me in a never ending cycle of more and more. At the same time, I haven’t had to follow the teaching of some yogi, attend seminars, go meditate in the mountains in some pursuit of truth…it’s right here, whenever I’m ready to face it. Wouldn’t it be a sad fact for humanity if this so-called enlightenment was only available to the rich and leisured classes? I don’t want to be pulled to far into either direction and spend my life chasing something that isn’t really there. I want to enjoy this life for whatever it is and for however long I am allowed to. That’s it and that’s my truth of a spiritual experience.

Even Your Spare Change Matters in Wealth Creation

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Over the weekend, I was cleaning around my house and noticed that I had small stashes of coins in various places around my home and inside my car. I wondered how much money that it would add up to and of course decided to count to find out for sure. All told, it ended up being around $50, I had just lying around doing nothing. I think that most people probably have more change than this around in their home but I don’t really use cash all that often, so this haul seemed significant. Significant? What good is $50 in change? Well, this post is going to discuss why even your loose change matters in creating wealth.

It’s losing Value to Inflation

Money that’s not being put towards some kind of economic gain in the form of dividends, profits, or interest payments is being subject to inflation. That’s right each year that change sits there it is losing real value over time. Even if one were to collect that change and put it into a savings account, that yield would still be losing ground to inflation currently, though not as much.

Sucks, right? Not only is change taking up space in your house but it’s not even producing anything of value for you. It’s actually losing some of the value it has.

Change can be put towards debt

If you have some sort of debt, whether that be of the credit card or student loan variety, even this pile of change you have can go at least some of the way towards paying it down. That $50 of change that I collect around my house represents 5% of a $1,000 debt. Considering that I have a credit card with a balance of under $1,000 that I am pushing to finish paying off for good, it goes even further in my case. Every penny counts towards paying off debts because interest accrues on the balance, making it take even longer to pay off the amount of money you borrowed.

Change can be invested

$50 can be invested and indeed be turned into something significant. For instance, had one invested in American Express stock 5-6 years ago, it could have been had for roughly $10 a share. It has since then, reached a high of over $96 a share. If one were to have reinvested the dividends paid on those 5 shares of AXP stock, it would have reached about $500 in value. Not a bad return, eh? This could have been done using a broker like Sharebuilder.com which has no minimum to open an account and by using a promo code for a free automatic investment credit or real time trade. Thus, avoiding fees and putting that small bit of money to work for you.

Now, of course to see that kind of return in such a short period of time, one would have had to pick the right stock. Still, even in an index fund would represent a return better than inflation and would compound over time. Here is a Return of Investment Calculator to see some of the results.

It can be invested in your education

Even $50 can go a long way towards increasing one’s base of knowledge. For example, if you have one particular field of study that interests you, that small amount of money can be used for books on the topic. Many used books on Amazon, total about $5 with shipping, so feasibly up to 10 books on a topic can be had, just for collecting loose change!

For non-readers, it is hard to explain the benefits and dividends you receive from reading books. No, 10 books will not make you an expert. However, let’s say you bought books on personal finance and investing with you spare change. Would that information not save you a ton of money over time by teaching you to budget money, how to invest money, how to structure you taxes, etc. This small investment could yield thousands of dollars in benefits over time.

I’m not proclaiming loose change to necessarily be life changing BUT it is much more useful than people give it credit for. Coins can be used in a variety of ways to your benefit and so many people just have them lying around the house collecting dust and losing value. It can also be used to fund the start of an online business.

How to Start a Website

How to Get Ideas for a Niche Site

Invest Using PortfolioBuilder from ShareBuilder?

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For the small time investor, there are very few options available to being your investing journey without having a sizable minimum amount just to open up a brokerage account. One such place that has no minimums to get started is, Sharebuilder.com. Sharebuilder is now owned by Capital One but before that it was owned by ING Direct and someone else before that, I believe. To me, it is the best choice that I have found for the small time investor, especially one who is of the buy and hold mindset. With some clever uses of free Automatic Investment Credit promo codes, I have not paid one cent in trading fees since I opened up my account with Sharebuilder in 2012. That is huge in terms of return on investment because even when I could only put in $100, I avoided paying the $3.95 fee which is a 3.95% loss of my money right off the bat.

One of Sharebuilder’s newest tools for the small time investor is something they call “Portfolio Builder”. Here is how they describe this tool:

PortfolioBuilder is an investment strategy tool for the self-directed investor. As a self-directed investor you select the investment amount, investment style and asset allocation model that corresponds to your financial situation and investment goals. The asset allocation models were designed to help investors diversify their portfolios, using risk profiles ranging from very conservative to aggressive.

Essentially, Portfolio Builder is a program which an investor decides how much they want to invest in total and then purchase a portfolio of Exchange Traded Funds (ETF) at once for a fee of $18.95 currently. Every dollar is allocated to a specific fund at a certain percentage.

So for example, if one were to choose their “Moderately Aggressive” investment style plan, 24% of the money would go into a large cap value fund while 6% of the money would be place in a fund for International emerging markets. The entire portfolio consists of 8 ETF’s for different sectors of the global economy.

The money is broken down into securities (stocks, REIT’s) and fixed income assets (bonds), thus, giving instant diversification for the new investor. Sharebuilder offers varying investment styles from very conservative to very aggressive (100% in securities). So based on age and/or taste for risk it is designed to fir a person as an investment template.

The great thing is that there are plenty of funds to choose from in order to make the best portfolio for your own brand of investment. There are plenty of index funds which are not managed and thus also have a low expense ratio, meaning, you won’t have to pay really high management fees and your portfolio is pegged to market composition and not actively managed.

One downside, that I do see with PortfolioBuilder is that the percentages in the asset allocation are fixed upon purchase and it is up to you to re-balance the portfolio later. Having 85% of your money in securities and only 15% in fixed income assets seems really aggressive to me but that is what is termed the “Moderately Aggressive” plan. For me to start a plan under that model, I would immediately add more money to the fixed income side of my portfolio to achieve a better balance for my age and retirement strategy.

Another issue I see, is the possibility of being over diversified, in a way. One theoretically could achieve diversification with 4 funds but this program puts your money in 8 smaller segmented funds. The rate of return for the 8 fund approach could actually under perform, one that wasn’t divvied up quite as much. However, this does seem like an easy way to achieve an indexed portfolio in one fell swoop after some initial research.

The cost is $18.95, which spread over 8 ETF’s is roughly $2.37 for each position. In itself, that is pretty good, BUT it does take a pretty large chunk out of the smaller segmented positions in the portfolio. For instance, if one were to invest $1000 into a PortfolioBuilder plan, such as the Moderately Aggressive. It would allocated 6% into International Developing Market Stocks, which equals $60.

If the fee is $2.37 and the total amount invested ends up being $60, then right off the bat that eats up 3.95% of the investment. On a larger upfront investment that might not matter but with $200 being the minimum to start a PortfolioBuilder plan that is concerning.

I think that perhaps the best way to become diversified with index funds is to have a set plan going in and see if you can’t find some Automatic investment credit promo codes to invest money for free. Perhaps scale back and do a 4 fund plan. I don’t know, though, I don’t think PortfolioBuilder is for me.

Quickly Pay Off Debt: Tips to Get Out of Credit Card Debts

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Debt has become a serious issue throughout our society in the past few decades. From individuals, to states, to institutions, to entire countries, it seems that everyone has a chunk of debt that needs to be paid off. Heck, if you think about it, even our currency is in itself debt. When I was in my early twenties, I started to get myself into debt and rarely had the financial discipline to keep a budget or truly ‘get’ how debt works on a fundamental level. It is one thing to know that you will have to pay back the money at some point but quite another thing to see that while you’re paying it back, much of your repayment is going straight towards interest and not the actual principal.

Now that I am older and somewhat wiser with my finances, I have been aggressively tackling my debt of late in hopes that I can get rid of my credit card debt within a couple years and begin chopping down that big sucker they call ‘student loans’. This month, I have managed to pay off 11% of one of my credit cards’ balances and plan to pay off even more towards the end of September. With an aggressive policy and strict spending discipline, I know that I can eliminate that particular debt within six months.

Do More Than the Minimum

Even on a small debt (less than $1000), paying the minimum is a bad proposition. Not only does it take longer to get out of the shadow of debt, you end up paying the creditor way more money than the original amount borrowed, thanks to interest (which can be 15-20% or higher). It was interesting to see that when I was cash strapped and could only make the minimum payments, how little the balance would move each month. In some cases, the balance would actually increase, which is particularly demoralizing.

One popular method, is to double the minimum payment. So if the minimum is $20 do $40 or as close to it as possible. I like to make more than one payment each month. The first one, I make the minimum payment or a bit more and then on the second payment, I throw as much as I can afford at it during the end of the month. This way, I know I’ve at least got the minimum payment made during the month and then after my expenses have been paid for that month, I can really put some weight behind it.

Read Your Statement Carefully for Fees

Many credit card companies will have things like Payment Protection or credit score reporting which charge you fees either every month or quarter to use. If you haven’t done so already, call up the credit card company and get these cancelled. Payment protection isn’t really necessary if you’re planning to pay on time each month and properly budgeting. The credit card company when you call them will try to get you to keep these programs and generally make it a hassle just to cancel them (they ask you 50 different ways if you’re sure you want to cancel), so try to call when you’re in a good mood and stay calm.

No More New Debts

Emergencies do happen, which is why it is a smart idea to build an emergency fund for cash. However, under normal circumstances, one cannot go on creating new debts each month. Learning how to budget and live within your means can go a long way to making sure that you don’t have to accumulate any new debts each month.

Take a Stand Against One Debt

One way to pay off debt faster is to focus most of your money on paying off the credit card or loan with the highest interest rates first. High interest rates are absolute killers when trying to pay down debt and preserve your wealth each month.

Another method is to go after the debts with the smallest balances first. This way you can quickly pay off a small debt and at least win a moral victory for yourself. For me, the credit card with the highest interest rate was also the one with the lowest balance, so it’s both important for me to pay it off but also close enough within reach to be tangible.

Balance Transfers

It is often an option to roll one or more balances onto another credit card at a lower interest rate and pay that off at a more reasonable rate. A lower interest rate can end of saving hundreds or even thousands of dollars in debt over time. It is however, important to adequately research the balance transfer offer and make sure that it isn’t simply a short term fix or one with hidden fees sometime down the road. When done properly, this option can save one big bucks.

Get Your Spending in Order

Take the time to look over your bank statements and other bills to calculate exactly how much you are spending each month. One you have a list broken down into categories of spending, look for places you could easily cut. Got a gym membership? Learn how to workout at home for free. Could you cut food costs by keeping better track of what you’re buying? Take a good, hard look at what you’re spending each month and find ways to reduce that amount. Once you have a budget, stick to it and you’ll be amazed by the type of money you can free up to pay off debt.

Learn How to Make More Money

Do you have time to get another job? At least temporarily? Instead of watching TV each night, could you start a website or blog and make extra cash that way? I know it sounds like a lot of work or an improbable thing to create extra income online, but it really can be quite simple. I have generated thousands of extra dollars over the years by building websites or getting paid to be a writer for others. Either way you decide to go about it, if you really want to get out of debt as fast as possible, then making more money is something that must be done.

Here are some posts I’ve written on that:

How to Make Money with a Niche Website

How to Get Ideas for Your Niches Website

How to Setup a Website with Hostgator

How to Hustle Money